On thursday, we had the girls' birthday celebration, although their birthday was actually on saturday. It was pretty nice, even though it was captive and we couldn't give them a party. A girl i know from working at the last job makes cupcakes as a business with her mother. She made 4 beautiful pink cupcakes that were strawberry shortcake with strawberry filling and strawberry frosting with perfectly place sprinkles on top. They were great! The girls loved them - Z wanted us to feed them to her, and boy, she made a huge mess cramming them into her face! A was neat & tidy like a prissy princess, carefully consuming her cupcake delicately. Their grandfather gave them each a teddybear, a pink one and a brown one, A loved the brown one, Z loved the pink one so the decision was made without any fighting. I brought glow sticks (the kind you crack that glow in the dark) and they played for a full 30 minutes with those! Z's therapy includes getting her to say 'on' and 'off' since she just does the 'oh' sound in different variations. This ended up being fantastic because we would turn the lights on and she would yell 'OOOOVVV!' so she could play with her glow sticks in the dark! I would love to have these for every visit, but i'm sure they will get bored at some point.
Now sadly, since my phone was broken, I didn't get my reminder for my visit tomorrow with my son, and didn't confirm it, therefore it was cancelled. That makes me horribly sad and I'll be crying my eyes out tonight. I did get to see him this week because we were making up a visit for next week that we will have to skip, but I might be able to find another visitation person to do the visit with next week instead of skipping a visit...There's a thought!
Wednesday, July 11, 2012
Counseling
So i had my first counseling session today. It was interesting. I'm sure she wanted to get to introductions and the like, but I just pounded forward with the details. I was able to tell her everything and not fear that someone was going to use anything against me like the caseworkers have done. It was so refreshing! She gave me a couple of things to work on, our primary objectives being to be more assertive and consistent. The first was an acronym for a process of letting my thoughts be known. It is DEAR MAN:
Describe
Express
Assert
Reinforce
Mindful
Appear Confident
Negotiate
description:
Describe the current situation (if necessary). Tell the person exactly what you're reacting to. Stick to the facts, no blaming, no emotional outburst.
Express your feelings and opinions about it. assume that your feelings and opinions are not self-evident. give a brief rationale. use phrases such as 'i want,' 'i don't want,' instead of 'i need,' 'you should,' or 'i can't.'
Assert yourself by asking for what you want or saying NO clearly. Assume that others will not figure it out or do what you want unless you ask. Assume that others cannot read your mind. Don't expect others to know how hard it is for you to ask directly for what you want.
Reinforce or reward the person ahead of time by explaining consequences. Tell the person in positive effects of getting what you want or need. tell him or her the negative effects of your not getting it. help the person feel good ahead of time for doing or accepting what you want. reward him or her afterwards.
(stay) Mindful, keep your focus on your objectives. maintain your position. don't be distracted.
"Broken Record" keep asking, saying no, or expressing your opinion over and over and over.
Ignore - If another person attacks, threatens or tries to change the subject, ignore the threats, comments, or attempts to divert you. Don't respond to attacks. Ignore distractions. Just keep making your point.
Appear Confident, effective and competent. Use a confident voice tone and physical manner, make good eye contact. No stammering, whispering, staring at the floor, retreating. Don't say "I'm not sure." Don't be threatening either.
Negotiate - be willing to give and to get. Offer and ask for alternative solutions to the problem. Reduce your request. Maintain no, but offer to do something else or to solve the problem another way. Focus on what will work.
Turn the tables - Turn the problem over to the other person. Ask for alternative solutions: "What do you think we should do?" "I'm not able to say yes, and you seem to really want me to. What can we do here?" "How can we solve this problem?"
There are excellent tools here for regular every day use. Knowing how I am, can you just imagine which steps I will have the most trouble with? I sure can! I know I am not an assertive person, I typically don't ask straight out for what I want, I am just quite passive aggressive and don't come straight out. I will usually go along with it, but I won't participate so it will be difficult for the other party to achieve the result that they want. In an effort to be a more 'middle of the road' person instead of the ultra-passive one, I am going to attempt to take these steps and just stop taking all of the negative from everyone, J and my bosses in particular. I cam quite anxious to get started on the new job and not have to work at the factory anymore, and this tool may come in handy in the coming weeks when they try to negotiate my job.
Describe
Express
Assert
Reinforce
Mindful
Appear Confident
Negotiate
description:
Describe the current situation (if necessary). Tell the person exactly what you're reacting to. Stick to the facts, no blaming, no emotional outburst.
Express your feelings and opinions about it. assume that your feelings and opinions are not self-evident. give a brief rationale. use phrases such as 'i want,' 'i don't want,' instead of 'i need,' 'you should,' or 'i can't.'
Assert yourself by asking for what you want or saying NO clearly. Assume that others will not figure it out or do what you want unless you ask. Assume that others cannot read your mind. Don't expect others to know how hard it is for you to ask directly for what you want.
Reinforce or reward the person ahead of time by explaining consequences. Tell the person in positive effects of getting what you want or need. tell him or her the negative effects of your not getting it. help the person feel good ahead of time for doing or accepting what you want. reward him or her afterwards.
(stay) Mindful, keep your focus on your objectives. maintain your position. don't be distracted.
"Broken Record" keep asking, saying no, or expressing your opinion over and over and over.
Ignore - If another person attacks, threatens or tries to change the subject, ignore the threats, comments, or attempts to divert you. Don't respond to attacks. Ignore distractions. Just keep making your point.
Appear Confident, effective and competent. Use a confident voice tone and physical manner, make good eye contact. No stammering, whispering, staring at the floor, retreating. Don't say "I'm not sure." Don't be threatening either.
Negotiate - be willing to give and to get. Offer and ask for alternative solutions to the problem. Reduce your request. Maintain no, but offer to do something else or to solve the problem another way. Focus on what will work.
Turn the tables - Turn the problem over to the other person. Ask for alternative solutions: "What do you think we should do?" "I'm not able to say yes, and you seem to really want me to. What can we do here?" "How can we solve this problem?"
There are excellent tools here for regular every day use. Knowing how I am, can you just imagine which steps I will have the most trouble with? I sure can! I know I am not an assertive person, I typically don't ask straight out for what I want, I am just quite passive aggressive and don't come straight out. I will usually go along with it, but I won't participate so it will be difficult for the other party to achieve the result that they want. In an effort to be a more 'middle of the road' person instead of the ultra-passive one, I am going to attempt to take these steps and just stop taking all of the negative from everyone, J and my bosses in particular. I cam quite anxious to get started on the new job and not have to work at the factory anymore, and this tool may come in handy in the coming weeks when they try to negotiate my job.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)