Little Things

One typically doesn't appreciate little things until you can't have or do them. At last week's visit, my youngest did something that she hasn't been able to do ever. She's 2 1/2 years old, and has never been able to nod her head. Her therapist was playing 'if you're happy and you know it' on her ipad, and my little girl stood to her feet, clapped her hands (as best she could), stomped her foot (without falling down!!!), nodded her head and then couldn't keep up anymore with all the demands of doing them all at the same time. I don't know about you, but nodding my head is something I take for granted typically. This small act had me in tears. Her progress is truly phenomenal.
Today, I had to pack up the clothes & toys for my kids to take them to my mom. It feels like I am throwing away their whole existence, as if they had died and I'm just getting rid of them. I fight the constant urge to cling tighter to their dirty toys and worn out clothes and smelly shoes because it is somehow bringing me close to something that they once touched. I have to go wash all of the clothes and toys somewhere before I relinquish them for what seems like forever.
Another thing that happened today, I saw my uncle driving down the road with my son in the car. He motioned for me to call him, so I did. He seemed anxious to catch up with me. He is a good guy, although he tends to be biased towards whatever my mom wants, which isn't always good. It was good to talk to him. I only hope that he can inject a little logic into the whole thing.

The past couple of days

The fatigue is beginning to wear through the veneer of my composure. I missed a day of work on Sunday because I forgot to put it in the calendar. I felt pretty stupid since that isn't something I typically do. Yes, I forget more than the normal person does, but when staring at my schedule and entering the dates I work for the next two weeks, the last thing I typically do is just skip one. Silly me. I would have repeated the same thing tomorrow had I not double checked the schedule before leaving work today. 

Thursday marked another visit day with my sons. They were happy to see me as usual, and I have missed them terribly. My 12 yr old is learning to play the baritone. He has been at it for 2 days at this point and already has the notes memorized and is playing songs. He is such a brilliant kid that I'm not surprised by this, and he is obviously quite proud as he can't put it down. The social worker isn't as enthusiastic because she's in an office building where the other tenants may not like the noise. I don't discourage his endeavor. Since the social worker seeks to find something negative to say about me at every visit, I figure this will be one of the things she will report on. My 6 yr old is not as giggly as usual, but insists upon playing poke-fu with me. I play back. We talk about school, subjects they're studying, what they like, don't like, etc. I love my visits with them! They give me shoe & clothes sizes, since the foster parents, who bought clothing for them, kept all of it when the kids moved to my mom's house. 

The next day was my visit with the girls. Side note: I had to work both mornings and move fast to get to the visits on time. We always bring food, and the social worker insists that fast food is bad if it's from a chain restaurant, but fast food from a grocery store is fine. I think it's gross because it isn't made fresh, it sits there all day and goes stale by the time I get to it. At least it's the same price. 

So the visit with the girls comes around, and the girls are bouncing off the walls. They adore the therapist who comes to work with one of them and get giggly. One girl strips off her clothes and runs around jumping on furniture while giggling uncontrollably. The therapist explains that this is normal for us all because the social worker looks like she's about to evacuate her bowels. The visit goes exceptionally well, with the modest girl getting very upset at having to leave mommy & daddy. I take this as a good sign. 

I had loaded up my car with all the toys that would fit for the kids since the foster parents didn't pass any of those along either. I gave them to the social worker and promised that I would have more the following week. 

Treatment plan I had to turn in.

I had an hour to come up with this, and didn't edit it thoroughly. My bad. Suggestions are welcome. 

Treatment plan.

For myself, I expect some counseling would be beneficial. The charges held against me include failure to protect. Maybe some self defense classes would help. I hope to be more assertive and stand up for myself and the children at a competent level satisfactory to the department.

I intend to rejoin a church family. Having the twins made it difficult to attend regular services without the constant interruption from the nursery, thus rendering any helpful effect of the church ineffective. I stopped attending when I was put on bed rest and have missed my friends immensely. Now that they are older, I have faith that they can handle being in a nursery setting for the 2 hours required for a typical church service.

I am currently seeking a second job in town (update: I have the second job. I work a lot). I gave up the job out of town so that the children would not require Jason's sole supervision. Once we get closer to getting them back, I will secure child care so they can be 'safely supervised' according to department standards while I work, since it is necessary to work (update: I intend to start another business and only work while they are in school, or just have them with me). As Jason is seeking employment (update: Jason has a job!!!!!) And they like him!), I may have the opportunity to stay home with the kids instead of working in the future. I am seeking low-cost training programs to fill the gaps in my resume for an administrative or managerial position.

I plan to buy multi-unit property so that we can afford to live in a better home for less money. The main restriction from living in town has been financial. Owning a multi-unit property as I have in the past has always secured a better situation for less money than I can typically afford.

My home will remain clean and organized as it typically was when I lived in town in a normal house. When I was the homemaker, there were never concerns of tidiness, sanitation, whether the kids were bathed or clean, etc. I was raised by an obsessively clean mother who taught me likewise.

I intend to fix my credit. With as much experience as I have with financial planning, and without the restrictions I used to have monetarily, there is no excuse for having bad credit at this point. The first thing I will be doing with my incoming paychecks is paying off the collections left over from the fire, which include utilities and furnishings. The total amount I owe besides student loans is less than $5000, I trust that I will be able to pay it all off within 6 months barring acts of God and disasters. Once I pay off the debts, I will be setting aside money for savings towards the purchase of property.

Given the lenient nature of my parenting, which follows my lifestyle of being a reed blowing in the wind, I intend to start parenting classes, which would go hand in hand with counseling to help me become assertive. I need to learn how to put my foot down and not be moved, more like a strong oak. I have always picked men who were more of the strong oak category, and I defer to them far too much for even my own comfort. I want to be like the mothers whose children respect, honor, and are happiest getting accolades from them.

I have always enjoyed random happy acts with my kids, like happy un-birthdays, where I would pick up a cake or treat from the store and we would throw an un-birthday party with friends or family or neighbors (depending on where we were living at the time and how spontaneous it was). We would also take spontaneous trips to nearby locations like Glenwood Springs, Ouray or Gateway. The more children I had, the less often I was able to do this, but it is something that Corinne loved and Ethan experienced a little bit. At least once a month, we would have a picnic or if the weather was too cold, we would pack up lunch and drive through the Monument after church. I am actually pretty shy, being outgoing and making long term friends is difficult for me. Part of my plan is to incorporate this spontaneity with new or rekindled friendships and include others in my support network for these random happy activities.

My short term goals, therefore:

Counseling

rejoin church family

parenting classes

self defense classes (?)

2^nd job, followed by a better single job

Job training

moving in to town

pay off debt

save money

buy duplex or 4-plex

keep house clean & tidy

read parenting books

get my kids back.

Learn to rely on friends and family as necessary

Long term goals:

Continue in the church family

Continue self defense, parenting and counseling

buy another property

save more money

keep house clean & tidy

read more parenting books

help children reach goals

Maintain relationships with friends, neighbors, and kids friends.  

Today

I spoke with my mom today. I haven't had a conversation with her in a long time. Basically, as you know, she is evil incarnate. Some moms do things for their daughters, things to help others selflessly. My mom is not that person. Everything she does will in some way harm someone else if she does it with intent. Otherwise, it just has to have a benefit to herself for her to commit to it. Mom has never done anything for any charity except donate money because she needed a tax deduction, as an example.
Basically, she simultaneously chastised and consoled me for my terrible situation with my terrible husband, and then explained to me that, when you train a bad horse or bad dog,  you don't blame the horse or dog for being bad. Instead you blame the circumstances or the previous owner. Thus, she explained, humans can be considered no better, and how could we blame my son for killing the animals or molesting his little sister? It was obviously my doing. Yes, she slipped and told me it was all my fault. Yay mom!
And then I got to drive back across town to take a drug test, 20 miles out of my way. I got to pee in front of a woman who pretended to not be looking. Thank the Lord that I only had to do it that once, although the social worker fought me tooth & nail because my x (James, the meth-addict, x-con) said that I did drugs with him. Yes, she believed his word over mine. I'm the bad guy. Not used to this.

interesting debate

I welcome your comments on this one.
So when my dad called me the other night, he called to make sure that i was appropriately rebuked by his wife from her message to me the day before. I am really insulted, but i'm not sure if i should be.
My dad was a pretty decent dad when i was little. It kind of ended when he & mom got divorced when i was 8. What mom wanted, mom got, and he just allowed it. He is spineless to be sure, always led around by the wife and her whims. If there was a Hallmark card that said, 'Thanks for letting me know I wasn't worth fighting for,' it would be quite fitting for my dad.
He lives in CA and makes 6 figures, owns his home outright, and helped raise his stepdaughter's kids because she was a single mom. I have gone to visit him in CA at least 10 times over the past 18 years, 4 times of my own volition without any financial help (a feat considering my income is less than 1/10th my dad's). My dad has come to Colorado to visit 3 times in the 18 years I've lived here. Once because my brother graduated college, the second and third just to visit.  The last time he visited, my 2nd son was about 10 months old. He's 6 1/2 now. He has never met the twins, but he does call once or twice a year and sit quietly on the phone in awkward silence out of obligation to stay in touch. He sends a lot of junk email my way every month. Every Christmas, he sends a check and on my birthday he sends a card. My children are his only grandchildren, and they don't receive cards, birthday wishes, phone calls, etc. In all, they are not important enough to come visit even every 5 years. Cool if he can't visit, but maybe invite us down to visit him? Every time I visited, I just let him know i was going to be in town.
So back to the point, he calls to chastise me for what has happened and doesn't have anything else to say about anything after that. He didn't call to see how I was holding up, didn't care to ask what happened. I told him anyway. He spouted his ideals without understanding the situation, and once he did, he got quiet. I felt like telling him how insulting it was for him to call me and try to parent me after not defending, helping, supporting or showing any kind of 'love' for the past 18 years aside from the occasional visit. When my grandparents disowned me for being a bastard child, he didn't stand up for me or mention the fact that it wasn't exactly my fault that i was born of a tawdry extra-marrital affair. He didn't stand up to my mom when he felt like she wasn't raising us properly, he just let her do it. I could go on, but you get the picture. Should I feel upset that he's just calling to complain about my not doing things his way? Or should i just dismiss it? Do i write him a letter explaining his mistake? Would it do any good? Or do I just let it go and assume that he will never change, just write him off like he has written me off?

The thing I had to send to the social worker.

So i had to send a brief, really summarized version of my life story to the social worker for this case. I had a lot of trouble making it not be overly emotional cause i know it will get turned against me either way. Here it is. 

Personal history.

Born 1977.

Mom was married to her 1^st husband, but in the process of a divorce. She and her old high school flame (my dad) hooked up one night and shenanigans ensued.

My parents married about a year after I was born.

My sister was born the next year.

My dad adopted my two older brothers, worked 2 jobs and insisted that mom stay home since she was homeschooling. (I know, weird. Have parents raise the kids? absurd)

Mom wasn't happy with the amount dad brought home, so she started working here & there, Amway, Avon, whatever she could do from home. I mean by that, 15 hrs a day, of course.

She started dabbling in real estate, and met another guy when I was somewhere between 6-8 yrs old.

She divorced dad when I was 8 and moved in with new guy. (She was underhanded about it. She bought a fixer, and moved in, telling dad he wasn't welcome. Then she got a divorce)

New guy was a drunk and molested me until I was 11, when I woke up to discover what he was doing and confronted him (I had 'weird' dreams a lot.)

My brother is still upset about it because he 'bonded' with new guy and I 'ruined' his chance of a 'normal' childhood. My dad wouldn't let him have everything he wanted like mom did, and he didn't care for that. He turned to death metal and satanism, which he has thankfully outgrown, but he is still the creepy guy you don't leave your kids alone with.

We visited dad every other weekend, mom often said she would drop all of us off at his little apartment when he said he could raise us better, and he would back down because he didn't have anywhere for us to live (in other words, dad was spineless and didn't think it was worth fighting for). She constantly told us that they divorced because dad was boring and wouldn't take her dancing.

Living with mom, we moved often, the longest we stayed anywhere was 4 years. It is hard to run from your past when you live in the same house. She would buy a house, fix it up and we would move. Always lived in the same general area of So. Cal, but never made friends, never had roots. Mom wasn't social, unless it was without us.

Mom always said friends were too time consuming so she didn't have any, unless they were guys.

She became a work-a-holic and we never saw much of her. She worked from home, but was constantly locked in her office, 5am to midnight was common, or making real estate deals, vowing to never be poor again (and she hasn't been, at any expense. Pretty sure she garnered a deal with the devil for her soul, but that's speculation. He never visited personally). At one point she got an office and had 4 companies that she ran, almost single handedly. Very successful. When life hands you lemons, stage a hostile take-over.

She left molester guy when I complained about being fondled.

I went through a pretty rough few years, got into drugs (marijuana and alcohol) which I got from friends. (I mean, who wouldn't have a problem with realizing your parents don't care about you.)

I tried to clean up by moving in with my dad in a different town (only 45 min away) & starting private school.

While I was gone, mom took molester guy back 'because she needed a handyman.' He kept drinking, so she kicked him out again. (Forget that my sister still lived in the house, she wasn't important enough to protect. Mom needed a handyman and sex.)

I moved back in after that because I couldn't deal with dad's Lutheran lifestyle either and the stigma at the private school was stifling. They labelled me a 'bad seed' and suspended me on the suspicion that I might have been doing drugs. I hadn't, but it was fun being profiled. (leave it to the Christians to go against what they preach among their own. Oh, I guess that's like every other organization out there). I got back into drugs and alcohol, then tried to clean myself up again for the sake of my friends who cared.

Mom met another new guy and they got married. He was into big & fancy everything, so we went on a lot of vacations and had a lot of fun while he was around.

As soon as I got a job and started to make progress (and form bonds with friends, do well in school, etc), mom thought it would be better for us to move out of California. It was right about the time of OC's bankruptcy or just before. I was just 15 or so when we moved. She moved my sister & I into a house that she bought so we wouldn't miss any school, and then went back to CA to finish up moving.

I got back into drinking, figured out it was more fun to watch other people drink and make fun of them rather than drink myself. SO I quit drinking again and got pregnant with my first within 6 months. Her father was raised strictly, very religiously, and I figured he would quickly snap out of his drinking & drugging phase when he found out, but I was wrong. I wanted to give her up for adoption so I could finish school & travel, but her father wouldn't let me. I offered her to my mom to raise but she said no, she didn't want a baby. He said he would take her and sue me for child support and I would never get to live my dreams because he wanted to get married and I refused because he wouldn't give up the drugs. So my mom stepped in and called his bluff, he backed down, but I couldn't give her up without his consent. So I switched to a teen mom school (the high school didn't want other girls to see the consequences of sex, or so they told me), graduated early, got a job at McDonalds and lived with my mom.

I had dated a guy from church back in CA off & on for about 4 years at this point. We would see each other at summer camps, and he seemed like a good guy. I would visit his family for weekends, and they were all upstanding people, he lead the worship group for his youth group, his friends were nice, etc. He moved out to CO when I was 18 and we got married. 15 minutes after we got married, he said he was really a gay vampire, and he switched into this completely different person. I thought it was a joke, and stuck it out for a couple of months, mom saying things like 'you made your bed...' until my family saw the abuse and helped me leave. My brothers ran him off, and he has since sought meds. (He's actually a pretty cool person now that he's medicated again).

I got an apartment at a low income place, got a job, and started school for auto mechanics, (there was affirmative action and I learned I could make 50/hr as a mechanic). I liked working with my hands, made it a year and a half, then started having health problems. My back always hurt, I had constant migraines, and I was suddenly allergic to everything. Doctors had me on anti-depressants, narcotics for the headaches, allergy medication, vitamins, and birth control, hoping something would work. I dropped out of school, quit the job, and just lived on assistance for a while until I found a doctor who helped me. Migraines, back pain & allergies were gone, so I got a job at an oil change place.

That's where I met the boys' dad. He seemed dark & mysterious (which was appealing for some reason), and I was going through a 'bad boy' phase. I had no idea what work release was, no idea he was a criminal (he didn't exactly mention it), and we had a great 6 months together. After about 3 of those months, he started spinning the tale of his convictions, which I firmly believed even though most of it was lies. Then he started to get weird, saying that he was following me, tapped my phone, and was going to kill me. I realize now it was just the meth that he & his brother & sister were doing. He was stealing from me, cheating on me, controlling me, etc. I got pregnant, even though I had an IUD. After I had my 2nd, the dad was still doing drugs, and his probation officer called and asked for information. I told him the truth about what the dad had been doing, and he promptly got to ride the bus back to jail.

I worked here & there, retail or waitressing, but with the kids, the day care expenses were too high. That's when my other brother, who had recently gotten married, offered to let me have his wife's cleaning business because she was pregnant. She came over and watched the kids while I worked, and it was great. I met a guy (online) who was a fire fighter and he came up for a visit. We got along really well, and he was very smart. He came over about a year later, and we got married, the big ceremony and all. I suffered 3 horrible miscarriages that year (because his parents wanted an heir for their 'throne') so he threw in the towel when I was pregnant for the 4^th time. That pregnancy stuck, and I was alone. Along comes previous guy again, now 30, reformed, cleaned up, newly ordained, and even my family was convinced that he was on the up & up. He moved back in after a few months, then said he couldn't live in the house where my ex-husband lived (which I owned, it was a newly built triplex where I lived for free because of the other 2 units). So I gave it back to my mom, who had financed it (in retrospect, I should have just rented out the 3^rd unit, but I was very pregnant and James wouldn't help with the work). I bought another house that I could live in almost free, and we all moved into it. It was not a great house by any standard. Within 2 months of moving in, he was back on drugs and cheating on me again. I called the police for advice and they told me it was a civil matter. I called my family, but they were strangely reserved. They offered to take the kids, but not me. I kicked him out, but he would move back in when I left for work (yes, he broke in. it was great.). He would rape me, yell & scream, hit me, threaten, and even bragged about drugging my food & drinks with meth to get me hooked. I was then quite pregnant with 3^rd baby, and he told me that he would kill the baby if I brought him into the house. He said if I tried to leave, he would slit my throat and take 2^nd baby. He bragged the same to his teenage girlfriend, who came by to warn me (well, she was really gloating, but who cares). When he was being violent, the kids would hide in their rooms and turn on music really loud. I was so ashamed. My family offered to adopt the new baby, but I said I wanted out too. So I took them up on their offer to adopt him and figured within a couple of weeks I could get away without getting killed. I would wake up to him on top of me, having broken in, punching me in the face and having his way with me. I was so afraid he would kill me if I said anything to anyone. Even when the cops came by, I was convinced (as he told me) one of his drug buddies would come kill me the next day, so I would tell them I was fine and ask if I could just be allowed to go to my mom's. By January, I was pregnant with 4^th baby – I hadn't even had a period yet after having 3^rd baby. Within 8 weeks of that, I got rid of him. Nobody would help me, the battered women's shelter said they were full, the homeless shelter was dangerous, the cops wouldn't help, so I found out what his pet peeve was and played on it. He hated weak women, so I went to his girlfriends' house and begged for him to come home 'because I loved him' and he stopped breaking in (while I was home anyway. He still broke in to steal stuff), stopped coming by, but he didn't stop stalking me. I had to sell the house, testify against him in court (the court offered to pay for counseling for the kids, which was wonderful. However, after only a few sessions, they told me I would have to pay on my own, which I couldn't afford at $100/hr), and not have any bills in my name. I hoped it would be enough to keep him away. His sister led him right to me. She knew what was going on, and we were on speaking terms at the time, but her brother came first. I had a restraining order, but when it expired I couldn't get it renewed (because there were no new threats according to police. They told me he actually had to threaten me, driving by and sitting outside my house didn't count.) The sister was getting married soon, and asked if 2^nd child, now about 6, could be in the wedding. I said yes on the condition that his dangerous father wasn't there (because of the nature of the threats to steal him). She promised that he wouldn't be and assured me that she would keep my son safe from his father, understanding the danger he was to us. The week before the wedding, she withdrew her promise, so I told her that my son couldn't go. She then sued me for the price of the tux rental. The mediator was aghast that she was trying to teach me a lesson, as she said. I offered to settle 50/50 because I had a new baby at home and didn't want to waste my time going to trial over $84. The mediator suggested strongly that she take it, and she did. She also sued a place after she got drunk on the property next to it, stepped in a hole & broke her ankle.

During all of this, I lived by running a home child care. I was having a lot of problems with 2^nd child because of his fathers influence. My son would smear poop on the walls, poop his pants, and had a lot of other bowel issues. I took him to the doctor and our natural doctor several times, we tried laxatives, special diets, vitamins, discipline, treats for not doing it, ignoring it, etc, but nobody had the answer for why he was playing with his poop. I asked my family for help, and they said they would only help if I did things their way, which I was terrified of. Things like putting him in sports, sending him to school, even going to the park would be a disaster because he would put his fingers into his rear end and then wipe the poop on things. He refused to do his lessons in homeschool (we tried the district school at home at one point), so my mom finally offered to help get the kids into 'good' schools (he and 1^st child had gone to a good school for a while, but my mom changed her mind and then told the school district that the kids didn't live with her. Granted, they never did). So 2^nd child moved in with my mom in another area for appearances sake, and she put him in another good school. She couldn't handle the poop issue either, so she sent him home, but promised to let him finish the year at the school. I told her I couldn't drive him to school because of the child care, so she suggested he should ride his bike the mile or so to her house, where he could pick up the bus. He was about 7 or 8 at this point. I agreed, and then she told the school district how terrible I was for letting him ride his bike that far, and said he didn't live with her anyway. So the kids had to switch schools again, and he went to a not-so-good school. He immediately started stealing from other students, and brought ammunition to school, which he showed off to everyone. I was still begging my family for help, in the form of a male influence. He was still playing with his poop, and was about 9 by now. I converted the upstairs of my house into apartment rooms with a separate entrance so I wouldn't have to have the day care anymore (for various reasons). I wanted to return to school and the day care didn't allow time for that. I got a job at a retail establishment right about the time I met Jason. He was working at a hardware store and lived off the grid with his dogs. He was very intelligent and would read a lot. The kids liked him, I liked him, and we had fun. It was about over, though, and we were surprised with the pregnancy with the twins. I had been monitoring my fertility and had apparently gotten it wrong. Well, I learned later that a woman can get pregnant 6 days before she ovulates, not just 3 when the body shows signs of it. Anyway, I considered abortion in the first weeks, but talked to friends who had had abortions and were fine with it, researched the daylights out of it, and realized that they are my babies, and I can't kill them. I love them. So I talked things over with him and gave him a list of 'demands' if he wanted to make things work. He agreed, and we have been together ever since. He was very good to us, helping my son with his issues, even so far as to get him to stop pooping in his pants and smearing it on the walls. He and my friend got my son reading in one semester. They would do military style training together (the other kids would get in on it too sometimes). Yes, he was very strict, but it was the male influence that my son needed so desperately that my family wouldn't help me with. He treated my kids as if they were his own. My son was still having problems, and they progressed from bad to worse, but some were getting better, so we thought there was good progress. I kept telling him that my son needs more help than we can provide. He always believed that my son would figure it out and straighten out. I was looking in to group homes, DYC, as my son started hurting and killing small animals. DHS came out and chatted with us, offered to help with getting him into sports and counseling, then it never happened. It was about that time that our house burned down. It was just an electrical fire in the basement, but it was enough that we couldn't live in the house anymore, and the insurance wouldn't cover enough of it. We couldn't afford that house anyway, what with me being home with the twins not working, and my husband only bringing home 400 more than the mortgage. So we opted to get a free trailer off Craigslist and move onto our property in the desert. It was a pretty tough life, but it was all we could afford. Jason said as long as he could still work, he would rather be poor than live in government housing, and I agreed. We wanted to have a house built within 2 years. The girls would go to town every day for showers, even just the bathroom because we didn't like going outside. Then she lied to the police and said my husband had molested her. They said she was lying, she eventually admitted it, but DHS came out anyway. We spoke with a child counselor type person a few times, more promises were made about getting my son into sports, counseling, etc, but nothing came of it even after repeated calls to the social worker. They told us they couldn't help us with my son at one point, and said we were doing everything we could. They did, however, manage to give us some socks and diapers, which was appreciated. They came out a few times, said everything was fine, and left. After that, they would call saying they had gotten calls about me not feeding my kids or having water, and they would just say they figured it was unsubstantiated and let it go. My daughter moved in with her father in Texas and life seemed to resume. I was working, my husband was working when I wasn't, and we were saving up to build the house. My son at that point had managed to kill the rest of the animals (5 rabbits and 15 more chickens), hid blades in the beds so his little brother would get cut up, and tried to kill one of the twins whenever he was left alone with her. We restricted his access, but every time he would start to behave well again, the same thing would happen again.

Then the trespassers, jail time, and Jason lost his job due to 'non-attendance' (because he was in jail). So that left my retail job, and that was it. The case was pending for nearly a year, and he couldn't find work with the pending trial and charges. I took a job in ND in September, and went up for my first 3 weeks. Everything seemed to be fine at home, my son was doing a lot better with his studies and the time-outs seemed to be working. The doctor explained puberty to him, and he seemed to do really well with just letting us know when he needed some time to himself.