Wednesday, February 27, 2013
Goodwill finds
Today after BNI (Business Networking International - a place where I get to network for my business with other people who know people who want my business, and they make the connection for me so I don't have to cold-call), I went over to Goodwill. I was looking for a nice wide belt to go with the 3-seam (it's actually 4) caftan dress that I made. No dice on the belt - the awesome one I found had 2 belt loops torn out. I did find a gorgeous handbag that was way overpriced (didn't buy), a bunch of perfectly colored, matching pillow cases (also didn't buy - have enough), and some furniture that I didn't really need but kind of wanted (also didn't buy). What I did buy was a crushed velvet duvet in a deep crimson color ($3.99) and 3 pairs of shoes that I can wear to work. One pair looks a lot like something you'd find at Downton Abbey; second pair, grey wing-tip flats and a pair of cork wedge sandals. Each pair of shoes would go for over $30 retail (one was new, never worn) and each pair was $3.99 or less. I feel like I totally scored. I also scored a pillow form. It's feather, and 20x20", which is awesome because the Ikea pillow forms I got a couple of weeks ago are 20x20. When I went to the fabric/craft stores, they were selling those fiberfill forms for $18 +/- and this one was only $3.99. I was pretty excited about that. I ran home, put the new duvet & pillow form on the bed, packed the kids bag for the visit tonight, and then washed the dishes. I'm pretty excited about getting my home put together for the kids for when they get home! Will update you on the visit!
Tuesday, February 26, 2013
getting organized
I never thought it would be so difficult to get myself organized! It seems like there are always so many distractions or things I would rather be doing. Like blogging, honestly. Perhaps I need some more experience with organizing my thoughts better, though, which is part of getting organized isn't it?
The living room was first on my list, and it's looking a lot better now that I've cleared the clutter put the furniture in right places. I need to get my books from my x to fill the shelves that are in there, and then it will be done!
Next on the list is the downstairs bedroom, which is being used as my office right now. It has way too much stuff in it! all the yarn, canning, business supplies, school & art supplies, sewing, oy! It's pretty overwhelming, but I'm taking it 15 minutes at a time, just a little bit every day. Hoping that it will be cleaned by the year 2045 at that rate.
While I'm working on that, I'm doing the same approach in the dining room. It's pretty cluttered because I have 3 tall sets of shelves to hold most of the things that my old pantry was able to hold (hence the canning stuff being in the office). It's not as bad as the office, but it still needs attention! The table is my catch-all, and every day it seems to just get piled up no matter how many rules I make for myself about not putting it down, putting it away, filing it immediately instead of making a pile, putting the keys in a spot every time, the coats in the closet, etc. I think they're really good rules, and I usually stick to them, it's just when i get home, I just want to plop everything down and not deal with it anymore. I'm sure you guys don't have these problems at all! lol
I guess the upstairs would have to be taken care of soon, with the kids bedrooms, I just haven't even been able to get over the mental block of getting their things organized until I'm sure they're coming back. The sheets are still in the packages, the toys are piled up and disorderly, but I don't know that I want to get them all settled yet. I get really emotional when I go into those rooms, full of anxiety and trepidation, then I just turn around and walk out again. (sigh)
Well, speaking of getting organized, I have errands to run and things to actually accomplish today, so here I go!
The living room was first on my list, and it's looking a lot better now that I've cleared the clutter put the furniture in right places. I need to get my books from my x to fill the shelves that are in there, and then it will be done!
Next on the list is the downstairs bedroom, which is being used as my office right now. It has way too much stuff in it! all the yarn, canning, business supplies, school & art supplies, sewing, oy! It's pretty overwhelming, but I'm taking it 15 minutes at a time, just a little bit every day. Hoping that it will be cleaned by the year 2045 at that rate.
While I'm working on that, I'm doing the same approach in the dining room. It's pretty cluttered because I have 3 tall sets of shelves to hold most of the things that my old pantry was able to hold (hence the canning stuff being in the office). It's not as bad as the office, but it still needs attention! The table is my catch-all, and every day it seems to just get piled up no matter how many rules I make for myself about not putting it down, putting it away, filing it immediately instead of making a pile, putting the keys in a spot every time, the coats in the closet, etc. I think they're really good rules, and I usually stick to them, it's just when i get home, I just want to plop everything down and not deal with it anymore. I'm sure you guys don't have these problems at all! lol
I guess the upstairs would have to be taken care of soon, with the kids bedrooms, I just haven't even been able to get over the mental block of getting their things organized until I'm sure they're coming back. The sheets are still in the packages, the toys are piled up and disorderly, but I don't know that I want to get them all settled yet. I get really emotional when I go into those rooms, full of anxiety and trepidation, then I just turn around and walk out again. (sigh)
Well, speaking of getting organized, I have errands to run and things to actually accomplish today, so here I go!
Saturday, February 23, 2013
Knitting up a storm!
This week has been fretful because of all the changes, and my constant worrying about S (his acting out), so I have been knitting a lot of scarves and cleaning while watching Downton Abbey on the PBS website. It is my favorite by far! I would love to sew things that look like period classics, although I can't reach my sewing machine right now (too much stuff in the way!).
The living room is finally accessible, with the lovely new furniture given to me by a friend who is sadly moving away. I am very excited about the furniture, so I'm going to host a Wine & Knitting night with the girlfriends. I can't wait!
Also, I got paint for the furniture, but I'm going to wait to refinish for a while. There is a lot to do with the case with the kids, and putting the bedrooms together (I still don't have beds for the 3rd bedroom, or bedding for the other), plus getting my businesses up & running. I am thinking about starting a more public blog.
The living room is finally accessible, with the lovely new furniture given to me by a friend who is sadly moving away. I am very excited about the furniture, so I'm going to host a Wine & Knitting night with the girlfriends. I can't wait!
Also, I got paint for the furniture, but I'm going to wait to refinish for a while. There is a lot to do with the case with the kids, and putting the bedrooms together (I still don't have beds for the 3rd bedroom, or bedding for the other), plus getting my businesses up & running. I am thinking about starting a more public blog.
my personal therapeutic progress
I have been in therapy since July. I love it - i think everyone should have a therapist! Someone to talk to when you can't talk to anyone else, and they give you educated advice, not a guess or what worked for them, but something studied and thought out.
Moving on...Therapy is going nicely. I'm starting EMDR (Eye Motion something or other...) where I go through a specific traumatic event and deal with it in such a way that it removes the negative emotional trigger that causes me to freeze up, break down, or just stunts my development. I love it! The treatment is generally successful with PTSD and other forms of trauma (including Borderline personality disorder) within up to 16 treatments. YAY!!! During this treatment, I have come to the conclusion that I don't need to date or have sex with men who pay attention to me! Omigosh, do you know how revolutionary this is? I mean, look at the kinds of guys I've dated in the past. I always thought that I would feel loved if I slept with them because they paid attention to me. I felt like if I didn't have attention & love, I would no longer exist. Being single was too scary to contemplate. Now I don't feel that way. I can be alone and be ok with it. Plus I don't feel like I could maintain my autonomy if I was with someone now. I am learning, growing and healing as a person, and learning to recognize the danger in certain people. I am also learning where my boundaries are: what can i handle, what can I just absolutely not stand or tolerate? It's a painful process of fracturing and regrowth, because, as I grow, I am shedding people i thought were friends. I am also growing relationships with people in a more intimate way - friendships are getting closer and deeper too.
I feel more like a whole human being, instead of a two-dimensional damaged being. This experience as a whole has been horrifying and wonderful. The treatment we needed so desperately is now within reach. I think we can finally break the cycle.
Moving on...Therapy is going nicely. I'm starting EMDR (Eye Motion something or other...) where I go through a specific traumatic event and deal with it in such a way that it removes the negative emotional trigger that causes me to freeze up, break down, or just stunts my development. I love it! The treatment is generally successful with PTSD and other forms of trauma (including Borderline personality disorder) within up to 16 treatments. YAY!!! During this treatment, I have come to the conclusion that I don't need to date or have sex with men who pay attention to me! Omigosh, do you know how revolutionary this is? I mean, look at the kinds of guys I've dated in the past. I always thought that I would feel loved if I slept with them because they paid attention to me. I felt like if I didn't have attention & love, I would no longer exist. Being single was too scary to contemplate. Now I don't feel that way. I can be alone and be ok with it. Plus I don't feel like I could maintain my autonomy if I was with someone now. I am learning, growing and healing as a person, and learning to recognize the danger in certain people. I am also learning where my boundaries are: what can i handle, what can I just absolutely not stand or tolerate? It's a painful process of fracturing and regrowth, because, as I grow, I am shedding people i thought were friends. I am also growing relationships with people in a more intimate way - friendships are getting closer and deeper too.
I feel more like a whole human being, instead of a two-dimensional damaged being. This experience as a whole has been horrifying and wonderful. The treatment we needed so desperately is now within reach. I think we can finally break the cycle.
Case update
The fact that there has been some progress has been remarkable. First we had the treatment team meeting on the 5th of February. That went well: all parties said I was doing everything I was supposed to be doing for reunification. The kids were doing well, except for S, who was getting violent with his foster parent. When I went to court this week, I found out it was worse than they let on, but more on that later. The girls were doing really well, and only having minor reactions to separation from me after a visit. They want to see no reaction or a smooth transition. Since my brother is doing so well with them, there is typically very little reaction.
After the treatment team meeting, I had 2 more visits with S by himself. I had the opportunity to address the violence towards the foster parent. He told me it was an accident, and I rebuked him gently, saying that no, our actions are not accidents, and there are consequences. He was placed with another foster family that night, and was visibly upset by having to be held accountable as that is not something that happens very often. I explained that our visits were going to change, that the girls would join in on the visits because they want to see how I do with all of them together so they can re-unite us. He was not excited, as I expected - he loves his one-on-one time with mom! The girls come in for the first hour, and S & I have 30 minutes together to clean up and possibly play a game, if we clean up quickly enough. I am struggling to come up with meals that we can eat quickly so we can play together more.
The next visit with the girls and S went really well:
A threw two tantrums, but I followed through and stayed calm & consistent with her. The first fit was testing boundaries - she wanted to see if I really would follow through. With such an audience around not paying attention to her, though, she quickly recovered and went back to being normal & happy (she often growls instead of speaking now as an affirmative answer). The second fit was because she didn't want to go home - she wanted to keep playing. While it melts my heart, she has to do what she's told.
Z behaved very nicely the whole time! She went potty and played well, and just kept eating (We made croissants with cheese inside). She loves to dig in bags, so I handed her a bag of carrots, out of which she would pull one baby carrot, take one bite, then hand me the newly chewed carrot so she could retrieve another. A & S were very helpful and stayed together at Z's pace, so we could switch rooms and get to the bathroom as a 'team' (something the therapist wants to see is that the kids listen no matter how silly it sounds, and I have to treat the visit place like the hallways are parking lots - dangerous and they have to stay with me & hold hands).
S was very helpful - too helpful! I had to keep telling him that I'm the mommy and he doesn't need to help like that. I will have new boundaries to set with him this next week.
After those visits, we had court on Thursday. The case worker told me that a spot had opened up at the mental hospital for S, and with my permission, they would be moving him there that night. The caseworker was very nice, answering all of my questions about S missing school, visits and therapy. He won't miss any of those, which is good. He will also return to the new foster family, who has experience with violent children. Here is what I was told about what happened: S gets very angry when he doesn't get his way and just at random times. At one visit, he said he was going to cut off his fingers when we had the paper cutter out. I have been purposely bringing sharp utensils to test him at the visits. He then said, 'no I'm teasing, i was going to cut off YOUR fingers.' I ignored both comments because they were an attempt to get attention. At the foster home, he tried to push the foster mom down the stairs, punched her face, pulled a knife, kicked the dog and threatened to kill himself on several occasions. He acts out like this for about 10 minutes, then goes back to being completely normal and acting like nothing happened. He will then report that he hasn't had any problems and life is good. If it's PTSD, there is hope. They can stabilize him and he can have a normal life with EMDR therapy (I'll explain in another post if you'd like). If it's flashbacks, there isn't a lot of hope, and he could be labelled as dangerous the rest of his life or medicated.
When I went to court, I had the opportunity to speak with the CASA (Court Appointed Special Advocate), who said that my mom had held up the progress of the case by about 6 months by demanding that she was going to get the kids, trying to convince me to give them to her, not cooperating, and by spreading malicious rumors about me causing more treatment to be required. For example, she would say that the kids were very violent after a visit with me. This would cause a report to need to be made, then the caseworker, CASA rep, and 3 therapists had to be called in to visit the home after 3-4 visits (one a week) in order to track the reaction to the visit. If there wasn't one after all 4 visits, they would dismiss it. If any post-visit reaction was noted, the kids would be put in therapy, and progress of the visits would be stopped until no reaction could be noted. SO that is the reason I have been stuck at level 1 for a year! Also, my mom was verbally abusing the kids, which caused problems, and being in & out with her treatments for cancer didn't help.
So there is the update, any questions?
After the treatment team meeting, I had 2 more visits with S by himself. I had the opportunity to address the violence towards the foster parent. He told me it was an accident, and I rebuked him gently, saying that no, our actions are not accidents, and there are consequences. He was placed with another foster family that night, and was visibly upset by having to be held accountable as that is not something that happens very often. I explained that our visits were going to change, that the girls would join in on the visits because they want to see how I do with all of them together so they can re-unite us. He was not excited, as I expected - he loves his one-on-one time with mom! The girls come in for the first hour, and S & I have 30 minutes together to clean up and possibly play a game, if we clean up quickly enough. I am struggling to come up with meals that we can eat quickly so we can play together more.
The next visit with the girls and S went really well:
A threw two tantrums, but I followed through and stayed calm & consistent with her. The first fit was testing boundaries - she wanted to see if I really would follow through. With such an audience around not paying attention to her, though, she quickly recovered and went back to being normal & happy (she often growls instead of speaking now as an affirmative answer). The second fit was because she didn't want to go home - she wanted to keep playing. While it melts my heart, she has to do what she's told.
Z behaved very nicely the whole time! She went potty and played well, and just kept eating (We made croissants with cheese inside). She loves to dig in bags, so I handed her a bag of carrots, out of which she would pull one baby carrot, take one bite, then hand me the newly chewed carrot so she could retrieve another. A & S were very helpful and stayed together at Z's pace, so we could switch rooms and get to the bathroom as a 'team' (something the therapist wants to see is that the kids listen no matter how silly it sounds, and I have to treat the visit place like the hallways are parking lots - dangerous and they have to stay with me & hold hands).
S was very helpful - too helpful! I had to keep telling him that I'm the mommy and he doesn't need to help like that. I will have new boundaries to set with him this next week.
After those visits, we had court on Thursday. The case worker told me that a spot had opened up at the mental hospital for S, and with my permission, they would be moving him there that night. The caseworker was very nice, answering all of my questions about S missing school, visits and therapy. He won't miss any of those, which is good. He will also return to the new foster family, who has experience with violent children. Here is what I was told about what happened: S gets very angry when he doesn't get his way and just at random times. At one visit, he said he was going to cut off his fingers when we had the paper cutter out. I have been purposely bringing sharp utensils to test him at the visits. He then said, 'no I'm teasing, i was going to cut off YOUR fingers.' I ignored both comments because they were an attempt to get attention. At the foster home, he tried to push the foster mom down the stairs, punched her face, pulled a knife, kicked the dog and threatened to kill himself on several occasions. He acts out like this for about 10 minutes, then goes back to being completely normal and acting like nothing happened. He will then report that he hasn't had any problems and life is good. If it's PTSD, there is hope. They can stabilize him and he can have a normal life with EMDR therapy (I'll explain in another post if you'd like). If it's flashbacks, there isn't a lot of hope, and he could be labelled as dangerous the rest of his life or medicated.
When I went to court, I had the opportunity to speak with the CASA (Court Appointed Special Advocate), who said that my mom had held up the progress of the case by about 6 months by demanding that she was going to get the kids, trying to convince me to give them to her, not cooperating, and by spreading malicious rumors about me causing more treatment to be required. For example, she would say that the kids were very violent after a visit with me. This would cause a report to need to be made, then the caseworker, CASA rep, and 3 therapists had to be called in to visit the home after 3-4 visits (one a week) in order to track the reaction to the visit. If there wasn't one after all 4 visits, they would dismiss it. If any post-visit reaction was noted, the kids would be put in therapy, and progress of the visits would be stopped until no reaction could be noted. SO that is the reason I have been stuck at level 1 for a year! Also, my mom was verbally abusing the kids, which caused problems, and being in & out with her treatments for cancer didn't help.
So there is the update, any questions?
Saturday, February 9, 2013
New Adventures...again
This week has been full of excitement and anticipation.
First, there was a treatment team meeting on Tuesday. It went pretty well! They are moving visits along to the next stage, which includes all kids at one visit time/date. It means that they are ready & willing to watch me parent my children all together to see if I'm capable of the task. I am looking for help with age-blended activities so that I can entertain a 3 1/2 yr old pirate/girl, a disabled 3 1/2 yr old ninja/girl, and a very jealous 7 yr old boy. Plus I will have to feed, guide, and attend to their emotional needs all in one little hour and a half window. Wish me luck, I am confident that I can do it without much more hassle than the occasional tantrum.
Second, right after the treatment team meeting, I quit my job. My x was there, and I warned him before hand. He was very nice, like he used to be when we first met. He asked if I had ever quit a job like this before (where there is sensitive info on my computer, where they won't expect me to complete 2 weeks, etc) I said, no, so he talked me through what to expect, knowing that I was an emotional basket case from the treatment team meeting earlier. My boss was very polite, more like humoring me. She didn't feel like it was a good fit, like I was supposed to run in to her office, take everything off her desk, and just do all her work for her, for the salary of $1500/mo, gross, no benefits. Add to that, she wouldn't let me take anything and you have a problem. SOOOO, it ended well, she tried to talk me out of the money she owed me, and I declined. Her husband was more willing to help and insisted that it would be better to 'keep things separate' (which means I'll get paid for the work I did).
Third, I re-booted the cleaning business that I started about a year ago. While I'm getting my wraps business to a profitable place (it breaks even right now), I will have to do something to pay the bills. Since cleaning is pretty easy for me and I can just pick it up any time, that's what I chose.
Fourth, and this is the most awesome part: The fashion show for the Ariel Benefit was today! below are some pictures of my own and then my favorites:
First, there was a treatment team meeting on Tuesday. It went pretty well! They are moving visits along to the next stage, which includes all kids at one visit time/date. It means that they are ready & willing to watch me parent my children all together to see if I'm capable of the task. I am looking for help with age-blended activities so that I can entertain a 3 1/2 yr old pirate/girl, a disabled 3 1/2 yr old ninja/girl, and a very jealous 7 yr old boy. Plus I will have to feed, guide, and attend to their emotional needs all in one little hour and a half window. Wish me luck, I am confident that I can do it without much more hassle than the occasional tantrum.
Second, right after the treatment team meeting, I quit my job. My x was there, and I warned him before hand. He was very nice, like he used to be when we first met. He asked if I had ever quit a job like this before (where there is sensitive info on my computer, where they won't expect me to complete 2 weeks, etc) I said, no, so he talked me through what to expect, knowing that I was an emotional basket case from the treatment team meeting earlier. My boss was very polite, more like humoring me. She didn't feel like it was a good fit, like I was supposed to run in to her office, take everything off her desk, and just do all her work for her, for the salary of $1500/mo, gross, no benefits. Add to that, she wouldn't let me take anything and you have a problem. SOOOO, it ended well, she tried to talk me out of the money she owed me, and I declined. Her husband was more willing to help and insisted that it would be better to 'keep things separate' (which means I'll get paid for the work I did).
Third, I re-booted the cleaning business that I started about a year ago. While I'm getting my wraps business to a profitable place (it breaks even right now), I will have to do something to pay the bills. Since cleaning is pretty easy for me and I can just pick it up any time, that's what I chose.
Fourth, and this is the most awesome part: The fashion show for the Ariel Benefit was today! below are some pictures of my own and then my favorites:
This was the 13 yr scarf made by one friend, and a coincidence-match made by another friend!
the 10th Doctor
Child size beret/hat that I made
One friend made these fingerless gloves/wrist warmers. The detail is exquisite and they are a deep purple cotton.
the 9th Doctor
This cowl is a cranberry color in reality, and is thick, heavy and warm!
this one is a big twisty long infinity scarf that you can drape like a shawl, wear like a scarf or necklace. I don't care for the colors, but the pattern is wonderful!
11th Doctor
Here's the poster for the benefit
Ok, this is where I get sketchy...I think this is the 7th Doctor
This is a bright eggplant/fuscia color, and my first-ever lace project. It was a lot of fun to make!
Teal, one of the girls made this, it was lighter than air, silk, would be my favorite of everything.
I think this is the 6th or 5th Doctor. I made him, but I don't remember...
One of the ladies made this creative gem - I love it! All pom-poms! It was so fun!
You can't really see this one well, but it's the frayed ends of silk sari's that were twisted into a vibrant, beautiful yarn that I knitted into a very long scarf. A friend (who happened to finish almost everything I started) gave me the yarn a couple of years ago, and I didn't know what to do with it. When she mentioned the gallery, the purpose became clear. It's a thin, super long scarf that is very heavy and vividly colored. A little boy won the bidding on this one, and he was just totally in love with it!
I made this one as well. The yarn is made of these giant chenille spagetti strands that are knitted together in between. It was fun to knit and a lovely gray color.
This was my second owl. A friend figured out where I was stuck and embroidered the question marks on (this doctor wears a vest with question marks), and figured out an ingenious way to get the umbrella to have an umbrella on the cane! I had tried several times, both the embroidery (I used a sock to practice) and to get the umbrella put together. I hade made the wand, but couldn't figure out the fabric. It turned out beautifully!
I am so excited to learn today that an idea can turn into a fantastic thing when placed in the right hands. Those hands belong to my dear friends, who opened an art gallery a few months ago, and decided to get things going with benefits & auctions for charity. They put art in the gallery, people bid, then the proceeds go to a good cause. It generates publicity for the gallery, and money for folks in need. This month's auction/benefit was for Ariel Clinical Services, which was an idea I threw out there about a year ago, I think (maybe longer). I wanted to do a knit-along with the knitting group I am a part of, Weekly Fiber, and we picked owls. One of the girls suggested we make them Dr Who owls after the tv show that we all seem to really like. So we each picked a doctor that we wanted to make, and knitted up the owls. Then someone decided to make it a bigger thing: gallery, wearable items, fashion show... I don't know where the idea came from, but my little idea wasn't little anymore and scared me half to death. They worked it really hard and made it take flight in a really big, amazing and wonderful way that I was so excited to get to be a part of! As you, my friends know, I am not a finisher-person. I make a scarf and leave the ends hanging out. I make a dress and neglect to buy the matching belt so it hangs in the closet, unwearable. I wash the dishes and leave them on the counter. I'm afraid to finish. It was brought to my attention (more than once, by more than one) and it became a theme of something I decided to work on this past month. It's very important for my livelihood to get my life together and finish what I start. So here goes! Wish me luck!
Sunday, February 3, 2013
Christian-eze
I started a bible study on Tuesday nights, which has been fun! It's been great to get prayer and encouragement, and be able to offer it to others as well. We don't really cover a lot... Usually they go over what the pastor said in the Sunday sermon that I can't go to because my son attends the church and I'm not allowed to go where he is. Anyway, the funny part of the bible study is all the religious terminology. I didn't realize how funny Christians sound from the outside! I had thought about inviting a friend, but realized I would have to spend half of the time interpreting! Here are some of the terms, I can't recall them all, but if you know of any, please leave them in the comments!
A lot of them sound like a Hollywood-quality possession:
Walking in the Spirit
spoke through me
took control of my heart
Others make you just wonder what the heck is happening to this poor person:
Bound my tongue
living the word
eating the word
on fire
speaking in tongues
my favorite: covered in the blood!
And some others:
putting on the armor of God (just think about the armor for a second)
we talk a lot of being consumed, by fun things like fire, ghosts (the spirit)
being set apart (sounds like a cult)
master/servant relationships (we are slaves/servants/lowly)
Eating the bread/drinking the wine/spirit/the word (sounds like drinking the koolaid)
the rapture is another fun one - explain that to anyone who hasn't seen the Left Behind movies!
Born again
Bride of Christ
anointing
laying on of hands
giving it to God
salvation
The really sad thing is how they talk about Jews. Most mainstream Christians have a negative view of Jews. There are a lot that don't feel this way, which is nice. But having been in the company of Messianic Jews for 8 years, I find it horrifyingly offensive how a lot of Christians feel. I have been told that Jews are the enemy, they are stupid, blind, stubborn and stiff-necked, all in the Bible Study setting.
Here are some web articles on speaking Christian:
http://religion.blogs.cnn.com/2011/07/31/do-you-speak-christian/
http://philcooke.com/christian_lingo/
http://lamponastand.com/category/christian-lingo-101/
A lot of them sound like a Hollywood-quality possession:
Walking in the Spirit
spoke through me
took control of my heart
Others make you just wonder what the heck is happening to this poor person:
Bound my tongue
living the word
eating the word
on fire
speaking in tongues
my favorite: covered in the blood!
And some others:
putting on the armor of God (just think about the armor for a second)
we talk a lot of being consumed, by fun things like fire, ghosts (the spirit)
being set apart (sounds like a cult)
master/servant relationships (we are slaves/servants/lowly)
Eating the bread/drinking the wine/spirit/the word (sounds like drinking the koolaid)
the rapture is another fun one - explain that to anyone who hasn't seen the Left Behind movies!
Born again
Bride of Christ
anointing
laying on of hands
giving it to God
salvation
The really sad thing is how they talk about Jews. Most mainstream Christians have a negative view of Jews. There are a lot that don't feel this way, which is nice. But having been in the company of Messianic Jews for 8 years, I find it horrifyingly offensive how a lot of Christians feel. I have been told that Jews are the enemy, they are stupid, blind, stubborn and stiff-necked, all in the Bible Study setting.
Here are some web articles on speaking Christian:
http://religion.blogs.cnn.com/2011/07/31/do-you-speak-christian/
http://philcooke.com/christian_lingo/
http://lamponastand.com/category/christian-lingo-101/
still trying to be consistent here...
Another week has gone by and it seems like I've gotten nowhere, but I know I have made great progress personally!
My visits with the kids went really well, and you got to see pictures if you kept up with my facebook page. We made Groundhog Day pudding cups which went over extremely well! Z ate both hers and A's, and S made one for each of his caregivers and 2 for himself (one to eat later, one to eat while in the visit). It took the entire hour to make them, so we didn't get to play a game. The girls made theirs by crushing cookies in a bag with the toe of my shoe because they weren't heavy enough to crush them with their own feet! They had more fun crushing cookies than any other part of the prep, and just wanted to eat the cookies instead of putting faces on them, so we settled for frosting faces and left of the ears and teeth (almonds). S was so excited and intricate, except that the frosting bag tore down the size and we had a small frosting fight.
The kids switched up housing quite a bit over the past fortnight. My mom upped and left, went back to Montana, keeping most of the kids items for herself and not transferring enough clothing. They were moved hastily and with resentment, as my mom was not speaking to Dave when she left. E and the girls were moved to my Dave's house in Orchard Mesa. There isn't room for them there as his girlfriend has 2 kids and a roommate already, and it's a 3 bedroom house. The girls are holed up in the girlfriends' daughter's room, and E is sleeping on the couch. I don't know why they were fighting, but I found out after the fact that they had been allowing the boys' father's family to have the boys for overnight visits, which not only was against the rules, but was a deep betrayal to me. Social services is intending to seek a release so that the boys' father's family can take custody of E and S, which I'm against because of the family's lack of ethics, drug use and constant involvement with the father, who is still involved in criminal activity. It's so stressful to think about this that I'm shaking!
On a better side of things, S is living with a friend from church. Everyone in the church (Calvary Chapel) just adores my kids as they knew me from the time I was 16 and seem to have been able to see through my mom's facade. That could be aided by Z's former speech therapist being a prominent member of the church and knowing the full happenings since the beginning (the beginning being when I was 16). She is a fantastic woman of God, and I've started attending a bible study she invited me to on Tuesday nights. It doesn't cover a lot, but it's nice to get together with people. I am afraid that they'll find out what I'm 'really' like and not like me anymore, so I have to remember to be cautious with what I say and temper what I say with religious-ease! More on that later, though.
This week, I also had a job interview with Bank of America. I don't think I got the job, but it prompted me to continue seeking another job. I am working diligently to get my wraps business going, and have a new pitch. When people ask me what I do, I tell them that "I help people fix their naked." That always raises an eyebrow and makes people ask more questions, which is called an Elevator Pitch in sales-speak. I'm learning a LOT about sales and marketing too. I will be going to Salt Lake City on the 16th of Feb for a big event and I'll have a table there. I am hoping to sell 20 wraps, which would pay for the table and give me enough money to re-stock. I am also hoping to sign up a few Loyal Customers, which would give me a commission bump. Practicing in the mirror, watching how-to videos, reading and learning about the product...blah. but necessary!
My visits with the kids went really well, and you got to see pictures if you kept up with my facebook page. We made Groundhog Day pudding cups which went over extremely well! Z ate both hers and A's, and S made one for each of his caregivers and 2 for himself (one to eat later, one to eat while in the visit). It took the entire hour to make them, so we didn't get to play a game. The girls made theirs by crushing cookies in a bag with the toe of my shoe because they weren't heavy enough to crush them with their own feet! They had more fun crushing cookies than any other part of the prep, and just wanted to eat the cookies instead of putting faces on them, so we settled for frosting faces and left of the ears and teeth (almonds). S was so excited and intricate, except that the frosting bag tore down the size and we had a small frosting fight.
The kids switched up housing quite a bit over the past fortnight. My mom upped and left, went back to Montana, keeping most of the kids items for herself and not transferring enough clothing. They were moved hastily and with resentment, as my mom was not speaking to Dave when she left. E and the girls were moved to my Dave's house in Orchard Mesa. There isn't room for them there as his girlfriend has 2 kids and a roommate already, and it's a 3 bedroom house. The girls are holed up in the girlfriends' daughter's room, and E is sleeping on the couch. I don't know why they were fighting, but I found out after the fact that they had been allowing the boys' father's family to have the boys for overnight visits, which not only was against the rules, but was a deep betrayal to me. Social services is intending to seek a release so that the boys' father's family can take custody of E and S, which I'm against because of the family's lack of ethics, drug use and constant involvement with the father, who is still involved in criminal activity. It's so stressful to think about this that I'm shaking!
On a better side of things, S is living with a friend from church. Everyone in the church (Calvary Chapel) just adores my kids as they knew me from the time I was 16 and seem to have been able to see through my mom's facade. That could be aided by Z's former speech therapist being a prominent member of the church and knowing the full happenings since the beginning (the beginning being when I was 16). She is a fantastic woman of God, and I've started attending a bible study she invited me to on Tuesday nights. It doesn't cover a lot, but it's nice to get together with people. I am afraid that they'll find out what I'm 'really' like and not like me anymore, so I have to remember to be cautious with what I say and temper what I say with religious-ease! More on that later, though.
This week, I also had a job interview with Bank of America. I don't think I got the job, but it prompted me to continue seeking another job. I am working diligently to get my wraps business going, and have a new pitch. When people ask me what I do, I tell them that "I help people fix their naked." That always raises an eyebrow and makes people ask more questions, which is called an Elevator Pitch in sales-speak. I'm learning a LOT about sales and marketing too. I will be going to Salt Lake City on the 16th of Feb for a big event and I'll have a table there. I am hoping to sell 20 wraps, which would pay for the table and give me enough money to re-stock. I am also hoping to sign up a few Loyal Customers, which would give me a commission bump. Practicing in the mirror, watching how-to videos, reading and learning about the product...blah. but necessary!
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