There's a lot going on and I feel like I'm in over my head.
I had planned to go to Klemmer in a few days in San Francisco. It won't happen right now, but it will probably happen in March. I am excited and can't wait to go. I was unable to make the choices necessary to come up with the money as quickly as I needed to in order to make it. As it turns out, a lot of things came together so that it would be better to not go at this time. Here they are:
The conference was scheduled for October 23-27 in San Francisco.
First, a treatment team meeting was scheduled for the 25th at 10 am. They told me I could attend over the phone, but every action is judged, and this one would be held against me.
Second, the only date I could hold my son's birthday party at the location where he really wanted to have it would be the 25th of October.
Third, the money I needed to come up with wasn't coming together very quickly. People are hurting for money right now and thinking about Christmas. Nobody is thinking about how they can help dear ole Jen get to a vacation in San Fran. I've come up with some ideas I was willing to do, and some not so willing to do.
Fourth, the court case is coming up rapidly. My business infrastructure is completely non-existent, and needs to be put together if I'm going to succeed. It's disconcerting just how much a business costs when you're trying to do it right. And with the expense of this ticket, I really put myself in a bind where I'm almost completely under water financially for a few months.
Here are the ideas that I have:
Make pies for holidays. I have a gift card printed with my info on it, each card is worth 1 pie. The pies are baked when they call, which has to be 3 days before they want the pie delivered.
I made gift certificates for cleaning. People can purchase these for their friends and families for the holidays.
I am selling all of my stuff that I don't really 'need.' My heart breaks, but it's ok, stuff is stuff and it's replaceable. I really don't want to sell my camera, but I may have to. I don't want to sell my pretty scarves, but I will if I have to!!
I'm working like crazy. As much as I can. My goal is to have 3 people working for my company by February. If I can get 3 people working 20 hrs a week, then I won't be working at all except for the infrastructure side of things. The bigger it grows, the more staff will be needed to support the workers. I think I can handle 3. After 3, I'll need a CPA, someone managing clients, someone creating new advertising and opportunities, probably payroll, etc. At this point, I barely have the scheduling organized and things are disappearing and reappearing in the wrong places.
So that all being said, I feel like there's too much going on and I'm in over my head.
Friday, October 11, 2013
bread sticks
I learned to make quick & easy breadsticks this weekend
http://www.sixsistersstuff.com/2011/08/homemade-pizza-factory-breadsticks.html
They were really quick and easy, only 30 minutes start to finish. I recommend more cheese than they recommend, naturally, and it's harder to get the shredded cheese to stick, but if you can it's totally worth the crunchiness it provides to the top of the tender yummy breadsticks.
I ate them with Classico Florentine Spinach Cheese (red) sauce. It was delicious and I ate way too many of them. I plan to try them with whole wheat flour, maybe let them rise a little longer.
http://www.sixsistersstuff.com/2011/08/homemade-pizza-factory-breadsticks.html
They were really quick and easy, only 30 minutes start to finish. I recommend more cheese than they recommend, naturally, and it's harder to get the shredded cheese to stick, but if you can it's totally worth the crunchiness it provides to the top of the tender yummy breadsticks.
I ate them with Classico Florentine Spinach Cheese (red) sauce. It was delicious and I ate way too many of them. I plan to try them with whole wheat flour, maybe let them rise a little longer.
Friday, September 27, 2013
Wonderful days
Sometimes it is nice to get out and about and do things that are peaceful. Thursday was that day. I took a leap of faith and went out for a hike with a girl I didn't know, off a couch surfing website. She was in town for a day and wanted nothing more than to get out as her hosts were a bit home-bodied. We went to the Mica mines, but ended up derailed in a wrong turn down to Rough Canyon trail. Man, it was rough! Oh my! My body hurts a LOT today, but it was so very worth the company and the opportunity. We spoke at length about her desire to travel and not finish school because she would be forced into a degree that she wasn't sure she wanted.
Wait, you have a scholarship to a private college in San Diego and your parents are taking care of the remainder of your expenses, and you would prefer to work as a housekeeper in Alaska?
Yes.
Why...?
Well, there's this guy... and it might be good... and I want to see if it could be.
Well, ok, love makes us do really stupid things. All the stupider if it's young love. We each have a path and we walk it from birth until death. Living in fear is just as much a path as living on the edge and every variation inbetween. So one might as well live it to the degree that brings them satisfaction of some kind. Satisfaction, in turn, can look like everything from gluttony to martyrdom, choose carefully.
After the hike, I worked, then went to a training for the Harvest Ministries so that I could take care of the converts at the harvest america event on saturday. That was nice, although a girl came with her fettuccini alfredo and it made me very hungry for it!
I did an estimate that was obviously far above what the potential client could afford, and then called my dad to see if he could help with the tuition for the Klemmer event. I haven't heard back from him yet, so I'll call him tomorrow.
Today was fun! well, ok that's an overstatement. I woke early to go to a potential client's house for the wraps. We chatted for 2 1/2 hours and at the very end she finally signed up as a distributor!!! I am so excited! I am only one small order away from a bonus from my dear cousin/upline. Soon i shall qualify for a promotion which will grant me more income.
I then went and did an estimate, and the woman hired me to clean for her, which is excellent. Then I went to clean another house for a current client.
After that, I picked green beans and okra in the rain with little more than a sweatshirt to shield me, while listening to a book on my ipod. It was a lovely experience! The weather was so cold that a massive bumble bee sat on a leaf as I worked around it. Several ladybugs also hid from the rain on leaves all around me, and I considered how nice it would be to join them for some rest. I heard a strange sound behind me and turned to see a family of quail running through the garden. It was a lovely sight, and they make funny noises.
Wait, you have a scholarship to a private college in San Diego and your parents are taking care of the remainder of your expenses, and you would prefer to work as a housekeeper in Alaska?
Yes.
Why...?
Well, there's this guy... and it might be good... and I want to see if it could be.
Well, ok, love makes us do really stupid things. All the stupider if it's young love. We each have a path and we walk it from birth until death. Living in fear is just as much a path as living on the edge and every variation inbetween. So one might as well live it to the degree that brings them satisfaction of some kind. Satisfaction, in turn, can look like everything from gluttony to martyrdom, choose carefully.
After the hike, I worked, then went to a training for the Harvest Ministries so that I could take care of the converts at the harvest america event on saturday. That was nice, although a girl came with her fettuccini alfredo and it made me very hungry for it!
I did an estimate that was obviously far above what the potential client could afford, and then called my dad to see if he could help with the tuition for the Klemmer event. I haven't heard back from him yet, so I'll call him tomorrow.
Today was fun! well, ok that's an overstatement. I woke early to go to a potential client's house for the wraps. We chatted for 2 1/2 hours and at the very end she finally signed up as a distributor!!! I am so excited! I am only one small order away from a bonus from my dear cousin/upline. Soon i shall qualify for a promotion which will grant me more income.
I then went and did an estimate, and the woman hired me to clean for her, which is excellent. Then I went to clean another house for a current client.
After that, I picked green beans and okra in the rain with little more than a sweatshirt to shield me, while listening to a book on my ipod. It was a lovely experience! The weather was so cold that a massive bumble bee sat on a leaf as I worked around it. Several ladybugs also hid from the rain on leaves all around me, and I considered how nice it would be to join them for some rest. I heard a strange sound behind me and turned to see a family of quail running through the garden. It was a lovely sight, and they make funny noises.
Wednesday, September 25, 2013
Visit with the kids
Today I had a wonderful visit with my kids. There is very little season left in which to enjoy the park, so we are enjoying the park. I try very hard to get pictures of the kids every time I go, but Abi so rarely holds still that it makes it difficult to get a good photo. Regardless, I snapped several blurry photos of the kids when I had my hands free (Zoe is always holding one of them reluctantly).
I arrived at the park a few minutes early and had a nice short conversation with my sister, in which she made a very feeble attempt to veil the lack of desire to see me, even when I was going to be much closer to her in a month. I asked her to come see me in San Francisco when I go next month, and she said she couldn't because she would be in Montana visiting Race and my stepdad with her boyfriend. I'm glad she is visiting them, but it hurts to know that she hasn't made any effort to see me at all in the past 10 years unless someone else paid for it. Even when she was in Colorado, she didn't come to see me. She went to see my kids, which is nice. She then lied and said she was never here to begin with. It hurts.
Anyway, back to the kids. I watched them pull up, Dave in another car this time. It is good that this car is better than the last one, a 1980's green dented BMW with a pole holding the front drivers seat upright and more food & trash on the floor than metal in the frame. This one is a tan Buick LeSabre, about 20 yrs old, with leather interior and none of the carseats properly fastened to said leather interior. Sebastian easily moved Abi's carseat 12-18 inches away from the back because it was crowding him. I had a mild panic attack. I cannot pretend that I don't harbor ill feelings towards my family at this point, but I won't let that alter my life. Too much.
The kids were excited to see me and jumped out of the car. Sebastian shared some Harry Potter jelly beans with me and they were, indeed, gross. I believe they came out of the car's ashtray to begin with, but the flavors didn't help either. We went to the table and sat, but the kids said they weren't hungry, so we went to play.
Side-note: It is very difficult to go play at a park with your kids for a mere 90 minutes per week whilst under the scrutiny of a biased observer. Do anything that she regretted doing when her kids were little and you'll see it on your report next week. Do anything that she deems anything other than perfect-parent-performance, and it ends up in your report as a weakness to be worked on. It's annoying. It's terrible. No parent should ever experience this without cause or reason. We had an extra observer today, Dorothy Rinderle. Dorothy is CASA and has her own agenda. I've caught her in lies but it doesn't matter. She doesn't care about ethics, she cares about her agenda. She is easily swayed by charm and my brother has a lot of it.
We played on the playground for almost the whole time. It was wonderful! Abi and Zoe wanted to go up the slides, so we played leapfrog. One comes down, I lift the other out of the way onto the top of the slide so she can slide down next. We played together with Sebastian, it was all so wonderful! I love my kids :-)
Zoe thought it would be hilarious to try to run to the road. She also thought it was fun to flip herself to the ground while I was holding her hand. Big smiles! It was lovely! We climbed, played monster, played leapfrog, kissed boo-boos, hugged, and the potty adventure began. Sebastian went his way, and I went with the girls to the ladies. Zoe went first (she's nearly potty trained!) and then Abi, and sebastian waited at the door as soon as he was done.
I arrived at the park a few minutes early and had a nice short conversation with my sister, in which she made a very feeble attempt to veil the lack of desire to see me, even when I was going to be much closer to her in a month. I asked her to come see me in San Francisco when I go next month, and she said she couldn't because she would be in Montana visiting Race and my stepdad with her boyfriend. I'm glad she is visiting them, but it hurts to know that she hasn't made any effort to see me at all in the past 10 years unless someone else paid for it. Even when she was in Colorado, she didn't come to see me. She went to see my kids, which is nice. She then lied and said she was never here to begin with. It hurts.
Anyway, back to the kids. I watched them pull up, Dave in another car this time. It is good that this car is better than the last one, a 1980's green dented BMW with a pole holding the front drivers seat upright and more food & trash on the floor than metal in the frame. This one is a tan Buick LeSabre, about 20 yrs old, with leather interior and none of the carseats properly fastened to said leather interior. Sebastian easily moved Abi's carseat 12-18 inches away from the back because it was crowding him. I had a mild panic attack. I cannot pretend that I don't harbor ill feelings towards my family at this point, but I won't let that alter my life. Too much.
The kids were excited to see me and jumped out of the car. Sebastian shared some Harry Potter jelly beans with me and they were, indeed, gross. I believe they came out of the car's ashtray to begin with, but the flavors didn't help either. We went to the table and sat, but the kids said they weren't hungry, so we went to play.
Side-note: It is very difficult to go play at a park with your kids for a mere 90 minutes per week whilst under the scrutiny of a biased observer. Do anything that she regretted doing when her kids were little and you'll see it on your report next week. Do anything that she deems anything other than perfect-parent-performance, and it ends up in your report as a weakness to be worked on. It's annoying. It's terrible. No parent should ever experience this without cause or reason. We had an extra observer today, Dorothy Rinderle. Dorothy is CASA and has her own agenda. I've caught her in lies but it doesn't matter. She doesn't care about ethics, she cares about her agenda. She is easily swayed by charm and my brother has a lot of it.
We played on the playground for almost the whole time. It was wonderful! Abi and Zoe wanted to go up the slides, so we played leapfrog. One comes down, I lift the other out of the way onto the top of the slide so she can slide down next. We played together with Sebastian, it was all so wonderful! I love my kids :-)
Zoe thought it would be hilarious to try to run to the road. She also thought it was fun to flip herself to the ground while I was holding her hand. Big smiles! It was lovely! We climbed, played monster, played leapfrog, kissed boo-boos, hugged, and the potty adventure began. Sebastian went his way, and I went with the girls to the ladies. Zoe went first (she's nearly potty trained!) and then Abi, and sebastian waited at the door as soon as he was done.
waited with magic fingers and a super-serious face... that's Zoe playing with the fountain in her home-made clothes
Seb loves his sisters, and they adore him!
The left-handed blur is Abi, the right handed blur is Zoe, they love turning on the air-dryer
Abi (left) Zoe (right) always on the move!
Such wonderful children I have!
Tuesday, September 24, 2013
After the retreat
The self-fixing retreat was pretty fantastic. I made amazing breakthroughs and was honest with myself. It sounds easy to do, but often being honest with oneself is the hardest thing to do because we can't justify the actions or thoughts that we don't like. If one is committed to be honest all the time, one must alter ethics and views quite a bit to make sure everything lines up so as to prevent future dishonesty.
So the process has begun. I now look for every opportunity to have a win-win situation instead of a winner-loser situation. I now look for why I feel this way or that way while I'm in a conversation or situation. Why do I feel like they're lying? Why do I feel like I know better than everyone? Why am I not paying attention or listening the way I should? This examination process will get quicker I hope! Here goes nothing, I want to be the best parent I can, so I'm trying to figure out ways to make more money. Here's what I have so far:
Make pies
Help clean Christmas decorations (after I get back)
Extra cleaning and extra chores.
Gift Certificate sales
Donations (always welcome)
Need more ideas. I think I'm going to ask the people at bible study and church for help. I am going to ask a client for help with whom I currently have a barter situation set up, but they do the same courses and may have a credit built with them. If all those things go according to plan, I will only need another $1000 for airfare and food. I think I can do this, wish me luck!
So the process has begun. I now look for every opportunity to have a win-win situation instead of a winner-loser situation. I now look for why I feel this way or that way while I'm in a conversation or situation. Why do I feel like they're lying? Why do I feel like I know better than everyone? Why am I not paying attention or listening the way I should? This examination process will get quicker I hope! Here goes nothing, I want to be the best parent I can, so I'm trying to figure out ways to make more money. Here's what I have so far:
Make pies
Help clean Christmas decorations (after I get back)
Extra cleaning and extra chores.
Gift Certificate sales
Donations (always welcome)
Need more ideas. I think I'm going to ask the people at bible study and church for help. I am going to ask a client for help with whom I currently have a barter situation set up, but they do the same courses and may have a credit built with them. If all those things go according to plan, I will only need another $1000 for airfare and food. I think I can do this, wish me luck!
Sunday, September 22, 2013
Introduction to self-fixing
This weekend I attended a Personal Mastery course put out by Klemmer & Associates.
Klemmer & Associates is a Christian based organization that teaches self improvement and awareness through being mindful and not hiding behind excuses. No, they're not cults. Well, they're cultish as much as drinking out of glasses instead of your hands is cultish. It's self help. Given that most of our parents did a so-so job AT BEST, self improvement is a pretty good idea to avoid repeating your parents mistakes and adding a few of your own unhealthy doses on top of them. It's fortunately not limited to parenting. Self improvement spans the broad subject of 'self.'
Most self-improvement companies offer the exact same stuff, so pick the one that resonates with you, or in my case, the one that is being offered in your area. Since I don't live in a major hub, the offerings are usually dismal, so I jumped at this opportunity.
Over the weekend, we were challenged to take a look at the messages we were sending ourselves that block our progress. For example, if someone says to you, 'This apple is amazing, and only costs $50.' Now you might say to yourself a couple of things. I don't want an apple could be the first thing. The next thing could be that the price is too high. Those are messages that we send ourselves. If the apple happens to be made of gold, $50 seems reasonable, which would be another message. Messages can be good, bad, ugly or nothing. They can be helpful or hindering, and it's up to you to find your way out of that maze or just take the easy way out. That would be playing the victim violin. If you decide to play victim, everyone can see it but you. You might elicit some sympathy for a while, but eventually people will get sick of it and you'll run out of people you can whine to. Well, I'm there. I've played the victim violin my whole life, and it's tiresome. I knew I wanted change, but didn't know that I could just make a choice to not be a victim anymore. What??? Revolutionary!
More on this later...
Klemmer & Associates is a Christian based organization that teaches self improvement and awareness through being mindful and not hiding behind excuses. No, they're not cults. Well, they're cultish as much as drinking out of glasses instead of your hands is cultish. It's self help. Given that most of our parents did a so-so job AT BEST, self improvement is a pretty good idea to avoid repeating your parents mistakes and adding a few of your own unhealthy doses on top of them. It's fortunately not limited to parenting. Self improvement spans the broad subject of 'self.'
Most self-improvement companies offer the exact same stuff, so pick the one that resonates with you, or in my case, the one that is being offered in your area. Since I don't live in a major hub, the offerings are usually dismal, so I jumped at this opportunity.
Over the weekend, we were challenged to take a look at the messages we were sending ourselves that block our progress. For example, if someone says to you, 'This apple is amazing, and only costs $50.' Now you might say to yourself a couple of things. I don't want an apple could be the first thing. The next thing could be that the price is too high. Those are messages that we send ourselves. If the apple happens to be made of gold, $50 seems reasonable, which would be another message. Messages can be good, bad, ugly or nothing. They can be helpful or hindering, and it's up to you to find your way out of that maze or just take the easy way out. That would be playing the victim violin. If you decide to play victim, everyone can see it but you. You might elicit some sympathy for a while, but eventually people will get sick of it and you'll run out of people you can whine to. Well, I'm there. I've played the victim violin my whole life, and it's tiresome. I knew I wanted change, but didn't know that I could just make a choice to not be a victim anymore. What??? Revolutionary!
More on this later...
Wednesday, September 18, 2013
September 19, 2013
Today was busy. I had my business meeting in the morning where I received accolades for the progress and maturing I've done over the past 6 months. I don't see or feel anything different, but I'm grateful all the same.
After, I cleaned a house while listening to the same book as yesterday on my iPod with the horrifically shattered screen.
It feels so wonderful to clean a house. I get to make a home look its best and leave it in that wonderful condition for its owner to walk into, inhaling the fresh clean smell deeply, to enjoy that clean feeling. Beds made, laundry clean and folded, floors vacuumed, surfaces cleaned, it's all quite wonderful.
After cleaning, I went home to lie on the floor because my rib was out of place. Chiropractors are expensive, you know, and a floor fills the need adequately in a pinch.
I prepared for the visit with the kids and headed to the park. I stopped at the Chinese restaurant and got food for the kids. They LOVE Chinese food. Ok, they LOVE the American version of Chinese food. I blended Zoe's portion with the help of the Asian (not Chinese) lady who stood behind the counter finding an electrical outlet for me and watching curiously. I pointed to my mouth and said, 'My daughter can't chew." She pointed to her mouth, nodding, and said, 'ah yes, not teeth.' I just agreed. It was easier. With my hand-held food processor, I blended sesame chicken and orange chicken and put each into a partitioned dish with rice in the main partition. For Abi, I had sweet & sour chicken and rice, and for Sebastian, I had the rest of the orange and sesame chicken, rice, egg rolls and sesame balls. I figured I would eat the latter two if he didn't want them, but I think he's hooked now! He bit into a sesame ball with apprehension at first. I showed him how I popped the whole ball into my mouth and pressed it flat with my tongue, then crunched the toasted sesame seeds with my teeth. Divine! He bit into half of it with curiosity, slowly enough to let me know he wasn't a fool to eat strange foods, by jove! He then swallowed the half ball, then asked, with a scrunched up face staring into the brown center, if there was chocolate inside. I waved a hand since my mouth was full. When I was finished with mine, I said, 'no, it's bean paste.' He let out a joyous 'MMM!!' and quickly consumed the rest and followed it with another.
The kids played exuberantly on the playground equipment, Zoe conquering whatever she could, Abi getting minor injuries to gain cuddles and carries, Sebastian disappearing to assert his independence and play with other kids his own age at the playground. It was a wonderful time!
The interaction with my brother was brief, as though I was as significant as an insect interrupting his afternoon, nothing more. We have a new case worker, Crystal Stewart, whom I will call tomorrow and set up a meeting. My SPT, Jeri, is clearly not impressed with my brother's lack of stability and obvious disregard for anyone trying to have the children's best interests in mind in the face of his own desires. Whatever Prince David wants, Prince David will charm his way into. At least that's how he views himself.
At this point, I have come to realize that my family, at large (considering and removing the two supporters from this generalization), has supported my abusers with sympathy and accolades for my entire life. I believe that I shall not miss them. I have come up with a contingency plan for myself in the event that my children don't come home. It will be to travel to Europe and learn as much as I can, experience as much as I can, to soften the blow of my heart being shredded by that family. A family is supposed to unconditionally love and support its members, and from within fix the problems. My family is not this way. They backstab at every opportunity, grasping for attention and fame (not big Hollywood fame, just notoriety with the successful family members so they won't be talked about behind their back). Their small minds talk about people whom they don't approve of at every single gathering. Mocking, joking, poking, thinking that it will win favor with their adored sponsors. It's disgusting. Normal healthy families don't do this. Yes, they do exist. I am excited to discover that my close circle of friends has become this for me. They speak on my behalf at every mention of my name. They come to my defense at every opportunity. If they see or suspect a flaw in me, they come and tell me so they can come along side me and help me fix whatever problem I might be suffering. That is love. I love them for it. I am so grateful they've journeyed with me.
After, I cleaned a house while listening to the same book as yesterday on my iPod with the horrifically shattered screen.
It feels so wonderful to clean a house. I get to make a home look its best and leave it in that wonderful condition for its owner to walk into, inhaling the fresh clean smell deeply, to enjoy that clean feeling. Beds made, laundry clean and folded, floors vacuumed, surfaces cleaned, it's all quite wonderful.
After cleaning, I went home to lie on the floor because my rib was out of place. Chiropractors are expensive, you know, and a floor fills the need adequately in a pinch.
I prepared for the visit with the kids and headed to the park. I stopped at the Chinese restaurant and got food for the kids. They LOVE Chinese food. Ok, they LOVE the American version of Chinese food. I blended Zoe's portion with the help of the Asian (not Chinese) lady who stood behind the counter finding an electrical outlet for me and watching curiously. I pointed to my mouth and said, 'My daughter can't chew." She pointed to her mouth, nodding, and said, 'ah yes, not teeth.' I just agreed. It was easier. With my hand-held food processor, I blended sesame chicken and orange chicken and put each into a partitioned dish with rice in the main partition. For Abi, I had sweet & sour chicken and rice, and for Sebastian, I had the rest of the orange and sesame chicken, rice, egg rolls and sesame balls. I figured I would eat the latter two if he didn't want them, but I think he's hooked now! He bit into a sesame ball with apprehension at first. I showed him how I popped the whole ball into my mouth and pressed it flat with my tongue, then crunched the toasted sesame seeds with my teeth. Divine! He bit into half of it with curiosity, slowly enough to let me know he wasn't a fool to eat strange foods, by jove! He then swallowed the half ball, then asked, with a scrunched up face staring into the brown center, if there was chocolate inside. I waved a hand since my mouth was full. When I was finished with mine, I said, 'no, it's bean paste.' He let out a joyous 'MMM!!' and quickly consumed the rest and followed it with another.
The kids played exuberantly on the playground equipment, Zoe conquering whatever she could, Abi getting minor injuries to gain cuddles and carries, Sebastian disappearing to assert his independence and play with other kids his own age at the playground. It was a wonderful time!
The interaction with my brother was brief, as though I was as significant as an insect interrupting his afternoon, nothing more. We have a new case worker, Crystal Stewart, whom I will call tomorrow and set up a meeting. My SPT, Jeri, is clearly not impressed with my brother's lack of stability and obvious disregard for anyone trying to have the children's best interests in mind in the face of his own desires. Whatever Prince David wants, Prince David will charm his way into. At least that's how he views himself.
At this point, I have come to realize that my family, at large (considering and removing the two supporters from this generalization), has supported my abusers with sympathy and accolades for my entire life. I believe that I shall not miss them. I have come up with a contingency plan for myself in the event that my children don't come home. It will be to travel to Europe and learn as much as I can, experience as much as I can, to soften the blow of my heart being shredded by that family. A family is supposed to unconditionally love and support its members, and from within fix the problems. My family is not this way. They backstab at every opportunity, grasping for attention and fame (not big Hollywood fame, just notoriety with the successful family members so they won't be talked about behind their back). Their small minds talk about people whom they don't approve of at every single gathering. Mocking, joking, poking, thinking that it will win favor with their adored sponsors. It's disgusting. Normal healthy families don't do this. Yes, they do exist. I am excited to discover that my close circle of friends has become this for me. They speak on my behalf at every mention of my name. They come to my defense at every opportunity. If they see or suspect a flaw in me, they come and tell me so they can come along side me and help me fix whatever problem I might be suffering. That is love. I love them for it. I am so grateful they've journeyed with me.
Tuesday, September 17, 2013
Sept 17
This week is starting off fairly well. I have been attending business meetings in order to drum up business for my newest 'hire' lady, a 60-something lady who works her tail off because she didn't plan for retirement (note to self: start saving now). I have 2-3 weekly clients for her at the moment, but that can fluctuate up or down by the week. I believe I will have another for her by next week. The business meetings are nice, just an hour and a half, in a room full of people trying to come up with something catchy enough to win the business of everyone else in the room, and of their friends and co-workers. The goal of the meeting is to get the people in the room to refer you to the people they know who aren't in the room. It hasn't really happened a lot yet, and I'm noticing a lot of holes in the whole theory, but I believe there are holes everywhere. Tomorrow I have another one, and a fourth on Thursday. I have intentionally not gone to several groups for the simple reason that I could drive myself crazy by attending business meetings and wouldn't actually get any work done during the week!
After the business meeting today, I went to clean for a lady who is wonderful to me, and she gave me a bag of home-made kale chips that she said hurt her stomach when she ate them. I cleaned and finished the house in a nice amount of time and had to rush to another house to clean. Instead of rushing, I called the client and told them I was starving and drove through McDonalds (I had a coupon) and grabbed a burger, some fries and a coffee. I arrived at the second place to find that the husband had mistakenly scheduled me to clean while the wife slept (she works nights), and I would just have to clean around her. Ok, simple enough. He headed back to work, I plugged in my iPod and listened to a book (Ghost Stories by Jim Butcher - Ethan is really interested in it so I'm trying to have some common interests with my teenage son who doesn't speak to me... just in case). I cleaned my heart out and actually finished on time. Had she been awake, I would have not finished in time because she wanted me to change the bed. Since she was on it, I was fortunate that I didn't have to stretch the sheets over her unconscious body.
After that client, I was grateful to head home, only discovering that I'd missed a bunch of calls while listening to the book. Oh brother! I returned calls all the way home, finding out I had 20 minutes till bible study. Got home, sat down and finished up the mystery shop from the day before. Sigh - done! And gone again!
Bible study was refreshing, it was nice to get together with them again. We had cake-cream-cones for our snack and talked about the preconceptions in Christianity that we seem to believe can affect our salvation. I believe that as long as you believe, you're set. Others believe that you have to believe this way or that way, and that is the minimum requirement. One said that you have to believe that Jesus is the only way. Another said that you have to follow some verse in Galatians where it says that people who practice certain things won't inherit the kingdom of God. Another said you just have to love your neighbor above all else and then you won't want to do anything evil. He then said that was what I believed. My perspective is that King David was a murderous adulterer and 'had a heart after God's own.' Um.....ok... preconceptions blown!!!
Day finished. I'm exhausted. One more business meeting tomorrow!!!
After the business meeting today, I went to clean for a lady who is wonderful to me, and she gave me a bag of home-made kale chips that she said hurt her stomach when she ate them. I cleaned and finished the house in a nice amount of time and had to rush to another house to clean. Instead of rushing, I called the client and told them I was starving and drove through McDonalds (I had a coupon) and grabbed a burger, some fries and a coffee. I arrived at the second place to find that the husband had mistakenly scheduled me to clean while the wife slept (she works nights), and I would just have to clean around her. Ok, simple enough. He headed back to work, I plugged in my iPod and listened to a book (Ghost Stories by Jim Butcher - Ethan is really interested in it so I'm trying to have some common interests with my teenage son who doesn't speak to me... just in case). I cleaned my heart out and actually finished on time. Had she been awake, I would have not finished in time because she wanted me to change the bed. Since she was on it, I was fortunate that I didn't have to stretch the sheets over her unconscious body.
After that client, I was grateful to head home, only discovering that I'd missed a bunch of calls while listening to the book. Oh brother! I returned calls all the way home, finding out I had 20 minutes till bible study. Got home, sat down and finished up the mystery shop from the day before. Sigh - done! And gone again!
Bible study was refreshing, it was nice to get together with them again. We had cake-cream-cones for our snack and talked about the preconceptions in Christianity that we seem to believe can affect our salvation. I believe that as long as you believe, you're set. Others believe that you have to believe this way or that way, and that is the minimum requirement. One said that you have to believe that Jesus is the only way. Another said that you have to follow some verse in Galatians where it says that people who practice certain things won't inherit the kingdom of God. Another said you just have to love your neighbor above all else and then you won't want to do anything evil. He then said that was what I believed. My perspective is that King David was a murderous adulterer and 'had a heart after God's own.' Um.....ok... preconceptions blown!!!
Day finished. I'm exhausted. One more business meeting tomorrow!!!
Saturday, September 14, 2013
Today
Today was fantastic. I am learning to find the joy and pleasure in everything. Even the hardship.
This morning started out nicely, a bit slowly. I was able to actually read my emails and just wake up slowly. I then got myself dressed for cleaning, and went to talk with some personal trainers about wraps. The one in charge asked if I would give samples, and I agreed, thinking it's a small loss if they don't want them, but an enormous win if they do, and it is worth the 'risk.'
After that, I went to clean a house. It looked rather messy today and I'm glad that they are blessed by being able to spend the weekend in a nice clean house.
When I left the house, I went and got bangs cut by my wonderful stylist. She is really good at what she does, and they are a cross between Audrey Hepburn and Zooey Deschanel. They are a bit heavy but can be wispy if I style them right. I think it's a good style move! Pictures to follow when there is daylight!
Following this, I went home and got changed into pretty clothes and went to dinner with a well-traveled gentleman from my business network group, and we just got along famously. I thought of people I could introduce him to, in order to help his business and life grow and progress. I think it will be a lovely business relationship.
Following this, I met a girlfriend at a coffee shop where I met two ladies who were wonderful, we're already facebook friends, but I'd never met them! Such fun ladies, I can't wait to get to know them better. The girlfriend and I went to have a beer after this and we had a wonderful conversation. The point of the trials we endure is to be refined by fire. The part I seem to miss is the fire part. It hurts, it burns, it's fire for pete's sake! Why do we forget that? In the end, we will be more pure than we were to start. We have to let go of the toxic dross and junk in our lives so it can burn off, or the fire will have to get hotter so the crap can burn away. It burns! But it won't forever, as long as we let it go. I am so blessed even though my life in general kind-a sucks!
Can't wait for knitting tomorrow!
This morning started out nicely, a bit slowly. I was able to actually read my emails and just wake up slowly. I then got myself dressed for cleaning, and went to talk with some personal trainers about wraps. The one in charge asked if I would give samples, and I agreed, thinking it's a small loss if they don't want them, but an enormous win if they do, and it is worth the 'risk.'
After that, I went to clean a house. It looked rather messy today and I'm glad that they are blessed by being able to spend the weekend in a nice clean house.
When I left the house, I went and got bangs cut by my wonderful stylist. She is really good at what she does, and they are a cross between Audrey Hepburn and Zooey Deschanel. They are a bit heavy but can be wispy if I style them right. I think it's a good style move! Pictures to follow when there is daylight!
Following this, I went home and got changed into pretty clothes and went to dinner with a well-traveled gentleman from my business network group, and we just got along famously. I thought of people I could introduce him to, in order to help his business and life grow and progress. I think it will be a lovely business relationship.
Following this, I met a girlfriend at a coffee shop where I met two ladies who were wonderful, we're already facebook friends, but I'd never met them! Such fun ladies, I can't wait to get to know them better. The girlfriend and I went to have a beer after this and we had a wonderful conversation. The point of the trials we endure is to be refined by fire. The part I seem to miss is the fire part. It hurts, it burns, it's fire for pete's sake! Why do we forget that? In the end, we will be more pure than we were to start. We have to let go of the toxic dross and junk in our lives so it can burn off, or the fire will have to get hotter so the crap can burn away. It burns! But it won't forever, as long as we let it go. I am so blessed even though my life in general kind-a sucks!
Can't wait for knitting tomorrow!
Thursday, September 12, 2013
Recent happenings
I've been neglecting the internet of late. I know, I should be more diligent, but it's so haaaarrd! I just never know what to write or how to write it. Practice would probably help!
Recently, things have been a roller coaster for my emotions.
The trial that was set for August 28, 29 and 30 was postponed to November 18-22 for an extra day of testimony from my two oldest children I presume. I have not been told anything specific, but am fairly certain that they will get up there and tell what a terrible mother I am and have been. I have been. Do they know me anymore? Am I still the same person I was two years ago? I suppose that is left to be determined. And yet I prepare for either outcome, hoping for both, as strange as that may sound. How can you hope for something so terrible, I ask myself. It's not that I hope I won't get my kids back. It's that I hope for resolution and am preparing for my time to mourn the loss and failure and regret that I will undoubtedly carry with me. I also prepare to get them back home. My gut feeling is that they won't be coming home. I know that sounds negative, but I have seen this system 'work' in all its dysfunction, and to the charming go the spoils. I'm not charming. I still hope, but I am realistic. I work hard every day to do what is needed to receive them home with the deep-seated understanding it may not happen.
Other events lately: On the day the trial was supposed to have occurred, I received my test results from the BRCA gene examination. It came in positive. While I expected this because of the laws of Murphy, it was still a great load to be borne onto my already weary shoulders. I silently wanted to ask God, not too loudly, 'Really? Seriously? Anything else you can pile on here? Boils? Oh wait, I've got a newly discovered gluten intolerance already, thanks for that too. Can you say repeat of the book of Job?' It's not like I don't understand why we go through trials. Perhaps I really do need to write more because the goal is to get me to write this out as an encouragement to others. Perhaps my suffering will save someone else. Maybe God is trying to teach me diligence (which I've never possessed) or sorrow (which I've never wanted to possess) or prepare me for something great if I just diligently trudge through the sorrow. Who knows. I now get to navigate the fun world of insurance and deductibles, surgery, recovery, and who will take care of everything that needs to be taken care of while I'm going to be down for a year. There will be an hysterectomy (full) followed by a double mastectomy, and if I'm lucky enough to get the insurance to cover it, a reconstruction. If not, it's goodbye bras forever! The biggest thing I worry about right now is the disproportion of my body afterwards. I know the pain will be overwhelming, the recovery will be long and slow, I know my wonderful friends will cover me with love. It's the rest I wonder about.
In other news, the visits with the children have been wonderful. Truly! I enjoy them so much and appreciate every hug and kiss like I never did before. I liken it to those trite internet sayings that whine about living every moment like it's your last. I do that now, every moment that I spend with my children may be my last. I might not ever see them again after November 22. At least not until they're 18. That's a lot of time. My mommy heart breaks every moment. I live in that moment. Each moment that I'm not in their presence, I ache to be in their presence. (sigh)
Shifting gears slightly, business is picking up. I have a new-to-me car that can travel at speeds greater than 35 miles per hour without needing to be pulled over, stopped, parked, and re-started again. It doesn't re-start itself as I drive down the road. The lights that are to remain lit do so, and the lights that are to be not-lit also do so. It's exciting to not experience stranding car problems. It's an older car, however, so I expect my share of difficulties, but so far it's not so bad. The car payment part is the scariest thing I've had in a while. Now I really have to be responsible! Uh-oh!
In health news, I have this budding gluten intolerance that I'm not happy about. I suppose I'll eventually have to eat fruits & veggies, so why not now? It's not like I'm happy with my ever-increasing weight anyway! Oh but recipes are so much fun to play with that I believe I will thoroughly enjoy my newfound dietary lifestyle!
Well, it's time to head to work. I have an estimate this morning, a house to clean at 11, then 2 or 3 events that are beckoning me (though I think insurance paperwork is heralding more loudly).
Thanks for reading!
Recently, things have been a roller coaster for my emotions.
The trial that was set for August 28, 29 and 30 was postponed to November 18-22 for an extra day of testimony from my two oldest children I presume. I have not been told anything specific, but am fairly certain that they will get up there and tell what a terrible mother I am and have been. I have been. Do they know me anymore? Am I still the same person I was two years ago? I suppose that is left to be determined. And yet I prepare for either outcome, hoping for both, as strange as that may sound. How can you hope for something so terrible, I ask myself. It's not that I hope I won't get my kids back. It's that I hope for resolution and am preparing for my time to mourn the loss and failure and regret that I will undoubtedly carry with me. I also prepare to get them back home. My gut feeling is that they won't be coming home. I know that sounds negative, but I have seen this system 'work' in all its dysfunction, and to the charming go the spoils. I'm not charming. I still hope, but I am realistic. I work hard every day to do what is needed to receive them home with the deep-seated understanding it may not happen.
Other events lately: On the day the trial was supposed to have occurred, I received my test results from the BRCA gene examination. It came in positive. While I expected this because of the laws of Murphy, it was still a great load to be borne onto my already weary shoulders. I silently wanted to ask God, not too loudly, 'Really? Seriously? Anything else you can pile on here? Boils? Oh wait, I've got a newly discovered gluten intolerance already, thanks for that too. Can you say repeat of the book of Job?' It's not like I don't understand why we go through trials. Perhaps I really do need to write more because the goal is to get me to write this out as an encouragement to others. Perhaps my suffering will save someone else. Maybe God is trying to teach me diligence (which I've never possessed) or sorrow (which I've never wanted to possess) or prepare me for something great if I just diligently trudge through the sorrow. Who knows. I now get to navigate the fun world of insurance and deductibles, surgery, recovery, and who will take care of everything that needs to be taken care of while I'm going to be down for a year. There will be an hysterectomy (full) followed by a double mastectomy, and if I'm lucky enough to get the insurance to cover it, a reconstruction. If not, it's goodbye bras forever! The biggest thing I worry about right now is the disproportion of my body afterwards. I know the pain will be overwhelming, the recovery will be long and slow, I know my wonderful friends will cover me with love. It's the rest I wonder about.
In other news, the visits with the children have been wonderful. Truly! I enjoy them so much and appreciate every hug and kiss like I never did before. I liken it to those trite internet sayings that whine about living every moment like it's your last. I do that now, every moment that I spend with my children may be my last. I might not ever see them again after November 22. At least not until they're 18. That's a lot of time. My mommy heart breaks every moment. I live in that moment. Each moment that I'm not in their presence, I ache to be in their presence. (sigh)
Shifting gears slightly, business is picking up. I have a new-to-me car that can travel at speeds greater than 35 miles per hour without needing to be pulled over, stopped, parked, and re-started again. It doesn't re-start itself as I drive down the road. The lights that are to remain lit do so, and the lights that are to be not-lit also do so. It's exciting to not experience stranding car problems. It's an older car, however, so I expect my share of difficulties, but so far it's not so bad. The car payment part is the scariest thing I've had in a while. Now I really have to be responsible! Uh-oh!
In health news, I have this budding gluten intolerance that I'm not happy about. I suppose I'll eventually have to eat fruits & veggies, so why not now? It's not like I'm happy with my ever-increasing weight anyway! Oh but recipes are so much fun to play with that I believe I will thoroughly enjoy my newfound dietary lifestyle!
Well, it's time to head to work. I have an estimate this morning, a house to clean at 11, then 2 or 3 events that are beckoning me (though I think insurance paperwork is heralding more loudly).
Thanks for reading!
Thursday, May 9, 2013
Most recent treatment team meeting
This most recent meeting went pretty well. I was surprised to notice that the attitudes of the care providers have all shifted. The state and skilled staff over my children's case have all shifted to defending me. From whom, you may ask? From my brother, who has suddenly decided to be out for blood. He has said a lot of negative things to all the providers about me, so much so that they're getting sick of it and defending me. I'm really liking this! Not the part where he thinks i need to be convicted of more than I was charged with, but the past 3 meetings, he has been adamant that I can't do this and that he can. He wants to see me put in jail and brings up the abuse inflicted before Jason was around, which I've already taken accountability for. The treatment team is pretty pleased with my progress and say that it's consistent with my diagnosis. I'm gearing up for my next court date, and need letters from my support network telling the court that I have a support network. Other than that, I'm still having really crazy dreams. Scary crazy, and they're all the same.
Monday, April 15, 2013
New Pictures
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| My quilting book |
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here's the quilt. |
Here's the actual quilt but it's just a little pillow that is falling apart. The whole quilt is an origami of fabric, which is really cool. Most is hand-sewn, but there isn't any quilting to do after the fact, it's all done as you go, which means you can just make it as big as you want.
The visit with the kids was really nice this last week! No tantrums or outbursts! Here are some pictures: This first one is Abi and Seb coloring while I finish feeding Zoe. I'm going to need to pick up more of that color-wonder paper and markers because Seb is totally hooked now - he can't figure out what the magic is that makes the white-colored markers make colors on the papers! Magic!
Here we have Zoe, happily helping place cookie dough on the cookie sheets. She is such a happy girl! Here, she's saying 'Cheese!'
This one Seb and Abi are both placing cookie dough, but Abi is telling me that she gets 'one more!' Seb feels large and in charge because he's dishing out the cookie dough to each of the kids. Granted, he made sure he got to place twice as many as the girls. Absolute cookie-dough corrupts absolutely. 
That's it for this week because this is getting long. I have a lot more to say, but hey, it's 9:30, and I need to clean a house in the morning.
Tuesday, April 2, 2013
More Pictures!
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| My living room. And feet. |
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| The other side of my living room |
I am fairly certain there is too much furniture in there, so I plan to take the white chairs or the red chaise upstairs. Probably the red chaise because that way all the furniture will be white and I can change out the pillows and decor. The other little chairs are there because my toilet flooded the dining room, and the carpet cleaners needed the furniture out of the way so they could clean it up!
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| My sewing/craft/office room |
This room is pretty fantastic, thanks to Jamie coming and helping me clean. What you see from bottom left and up clockwise: my 'work' desk and chair (printer is the boxy looking thing), sewing desk with machine and serger (under the lamp, which is now in the corner), yarn in the white drawers, filing cabinet with home hardware and tools on top. Behind that is a set of shelves full of canning supplies behind the dress form. The hangers have almost all of my fabric hanging on them, with the rest in bolts donated by Ann. Next to that, the pink rubbermaid and box on top are tie dye supplies. Then the chair I'm reupholstering with my It Works bag on top.
Picture of Ethan with Zoe, from 2011. We were in the desert, and very happy as long as Jason wasn't around. 
Sebastian, also 2011, and also very happy!
This is Kiley, our blue heeler. She's a runt, so she's about the size of a cocker spaniel. Her head looks like a cartoon head when she barks. It just instantly pops up and back again like it's made of little triangles, and she bites the tires of moving vehicles 'cause she's smart like that. 
Ethan and his amazing lego creation, also 2011. I miss my boy! He's 13 1/2 now! 
This is a great picture of Seb. I would like very much to frame it (Ann, that's your cue!)
That's all for now! More to come I'm sure!
Pictures
I found some pictures stored in my phone that I had not seen in a while. This is the most recent picture I have of Ethan. I haven't seen him since March of 2012. 
This is Abi in 2011, wearing a sweater that was supposed to be a hat, and a hat that belonged to her big sis, Corinne, 16 years earlier.
This is Sebastian, in 2011, being dramatic and happy as usual!
This is Zoe in 2011, she was eating as usual!
This last week, we took glow-sticks and turned off the lights. I told Seb and Zoe to move around as much as possible, and I took pictures. The long tri-colored strand is Seb, he made a light saber. The red and blue 'wings' are on Zoe's wrists, and the little thing in the middle is the necklace. Abi was throwing a tantrum.
A better shot of Zoe's necklaces, and Seb's light saber.
Same day, this last Wednesday, I told each of the kids to give me their most ferocious growl and mean face. This is what we got:
Zoe:
Abi:
Seb:
All funny faces included small, super loud and low ferocious growls in order of appearance! It was a lot of fun, but I usually don't have time to pick up my camera when we're in visits so this is pretty spectacular.
court today
We had court today, my lawyer had another hearing so I got to represent myself. It's a nerve-wracking experience! I wasn't sure what I was supposed to do. Court etiquette is unique by the region. I wasn't sure if I was supposed to sit, stand, say 'your honor, majesty...' It was very confusing for me. There weren't any changes that I needed to make, so I just agreed with whatever he said and added 'your honor' to the end, but I shifted uncomfortably in my seat the whole time, not sure if I would be disrespecting him if I didn't stand up.
We addressed Ethan's custody momentarily. They are doing a home-study on Dan & Kellie in Denver, and once that is finished (hopefully within a month), Ethan can go there as soon as school is out.
Sebastian did not improve after the stay in the mental hospital. They are looking at all kinds of acrobatics to keep him occupied enough to not have problems. He is starting a parkour class this next week, which I'm really glad for! He also likes to do the free gym night where he can do whatever he wants.
Other than that, I'm working a lot some weeks, then not at all other weeks. I'm really sore and tired almost all the time, and I'm making my budget. With the wraps business, I'm getting ready to promote to the third level (without touching the second), and I'm pretty excited about that. It means that I'll be able to pay all my bills every single month! I think God is really letting me know where I'm supposed to be.
We addressed Ethan's custody momentarily. They are doing a home-study on Dan & Kellie in Denver, and once that is finished (hopefully within a month), Ethan can go there as soon as school is out.
Sebastian did not improve after the stay in the mental hospital. They are looking at all kinds of acrobatics to keep him occupied enough to not have problems. He is starting a parkour class this next week, which I'm really glad for! He also likes to do the free gym night where he can do whatever he wants.
Other than that, I'm working a lot some weeks, then not at all other weeks. I'm really sore and tired almost all the time, and I'm making my budget. With the wraps business, I'm getting ready to promote to the third level (without touching the second), and I'm pretty excited about that. It means that I'll be able to pay all my bills every single month! I think God is really letting me know where I'm supposed to be.
Monday, March 11, 2013
This week
This week has been interesting. I got subpoena'd to testify in Pueblo on Thursday, so I had to re-arrange my schedule to fit everything in. The boys father is in a relationship with a new girl, who left her husband and kids to be with him. Now, the two of them are trying to get custody of the teenage daughter because James wants access to the teenager. The teenager isn't as keen on this, neither is the girl's father, so they are having me testify to the fact that James isn't exactly a good influence on little girls. They are taking care of all the expenses too, which is nice. I have some friends up in Pueblo so I'm going to try to get a lunch date in.
My, this week has been crazy, but I absolutely love the time I've gotten to spend with my friends, who are the most supportive and helpful ladies in the world! I should really blog more, I forgot everything I did this week!
My, this week has been crazy, but I absolutely love the time I've gotten to spend with my friends, who are the most supportive and helpful ladies in the world! I should really blog more, I forgot everything I did this week!
Sunday, March 3, 2013
It's Sunday again!
Here we are, another week has gone by. This last week has been nice and relaxing, but stressful on the business front.
First, Monday happened. Nothing really happened on Monday, if you don't count phone calls, networking and all the rest. I had my parenting class, but there is this one lady who incessantly talks the whole time, thinking we've all forgotten every last detail of her life and recaps it every week. She must engage in circular breathing-talk because she doesn't even take breaths. The teacher said I should be teaching the class, which I'll take as her being nice - I have a lot to learn. I then went home and knitted 90% of a scarf.
Tuesday - Confirmed the visit, made my rounds to apply for aid and ask for a month off my child support. I don't think I'll get it, but I didn't find out till Thursday. I am applying for medicaid because I need to get that gene test to see if I'm 'going' to get cancer like my mom. If the gene is present, I have to get a full hysterectomy immediately. As these things cost more than the $5 I have in my purse, I am seeking help. After that, I went to wrap a lady and she signed up as a loyal customer. After that, I went straight to Bible Study,then tried to come up with ideas for the visit. I also finished a scarf.
Wednesday - visit day! I also had a BNI meeting, which is always a good thing. Networking opportunity. I have one appointment I need to make, to sell wraps to a hair stylist, but it costs $40 that I don't have yet. My brother forgot to bring the girls to the visit, so S and I had the time to ourselves. It was nice. We made cinnamon waffles out of Pillsbury Orange Cinnamon Rolls, then I mixed the frosting with unflavored yogurt and blackberries and poured it all over. I was really sad that the girls missed the visit, but I will try to schedule a make-up this week. Afterwards, I had a long conversation with my brother about how things are going. They moved back into the unit they were living in when my mom was here. He said that they packed up most of his things as well as their own, and the girls were really having a hard time with the transition. A is screaming a lot and throwing tantrums, Z's appetite was affected. S is also having a hard time, but he is loving the children's hospital with all their crafts. I put them all up on my wall already. My brother says that if we can get E released to my other brother in Denver, S can move back in (they don't have room), but they are doing a homestudy right now on the brother in Denver, so it will have to wait a while.
Thursday - another BNI meeting. Lots of cards given out, no phone calls. It's typical until you get their trust to not get anywhere. But since I don't have any money right now, I'm watching all these cards (that cost me) go out with no calls in return. Then, a lady texted me and said she'd pay me double to do her bathrooms, so I set that up. Went to a friend's house to help talk through a problem (I hope I was helpful). Went to clean the bathrooms, then went home and nearly napped. Had a friend come over for a beer, and we talked politics and religion, which was fun for the mental stimulation.
Friday - went to an old friend's x-husband's house and did an estimate for him, met his family & girlfriend, and then stayed for dinner. It was nice, and I think I'll be cleaning for them this week, which helps me meet my financial goal for the week, and hopefully make up for the lack this week. :-)
Saturday - knitting with friends, lunch with a friend, and then it's such a blur, I was so tired from the week! I have been doing FlyLady to some extent (the decluttering part) so I decided to do 15 minutes in my office. It turned into 2 hours, but the office is half clean, 4 boxes of junk taken out, and my sewing box is half painted. Will post pictures when it's done! It's just like the one my grandma had, so it has a special place in my heart, although I must say I don't really need it. It will likely become a storage box for jewelry making or craft supplies. I replaced all the hardware earlier in the year, so it's very sturdy now and could stand up to kid-ness!
Today - polished the sink, did the dishes, and crochetted part of a bag until my hands hurt too much to do anymore. Now I am going to make gluten-free cookies (probably oatmeal or some such thing), and walk to k-mart to get sand paper for the outside of the sewing box.
First, Monday happened. Nothing really happened on Monday, if you don't count phone calls, networking and all the rest. I had my parenting class, but there is this one lady who incessantly talks the whole time, thinking we've all forgotten every last detail of her life and recaps it every week. She must engage in circular breathing-talk because she doesn't even take breaths. The teacher said I should be teaching the class, which I'll take as her being nice - I have a lot to learn. I then went home and knitted 90% of a scarf.
Tuesday - Confirmed the visit, made my rounds to apply for aid and ask for a month off my child support. I don't think I'll get it, but I didn't find out till Thursday. I am applying for medicaid because I need to get that gene test to see if I'm 'going' to get cancer like my mom. If the gene is present, I have to get a full hysterectomy immediately. As these things cost more than the $5 I have in my purse, I am seeking help. After that, I went to wrap a lady and she signed up as a loyal customer. After that, I went straight to Bible Study,then tried to come up with ideas for the visit. I also finished a scarf.
Wednesday - visit day! I also had a BNI meeting, which is always a good thing. Networking opportunity. I have one appointment I need to make, to sell wraps to a hair stylist, but it costs $40 that I don't have yet. My brother forgot to bring the girls to the visit, so S and I had the time to ourselves. It was nice. We made cinnamon waffles out of Pillsbury Orange Cinnamon Rolls, then I mixed the frosting with unflavored yogurt and blackberries and poured it all over. I was really sad that the girls missed the visit, but I will try to schedule a make-up this week. Afterwards, I had a long conversation with my brother about how things are going. They moved back into the unit they were living in when my mom was here. He said that they packed up most of his things as well as their own, and the girls were really having a hard time with the transition. A is screaming a lot and throwing tantrums, Z's appetite was affected. S is also having a hard time, but he is loving the children's hospital with all their crafts. I put them all up on my wall already. My brother says that if we can get E released to my other brother in Denver, S can move back in (they don't have room), but they are doing a homestudy right now on the brother in Denver, so it will have to wait a while.
Thursday - another BNI meeting. Lots of cards given out, no phone calls. It's typical until you get their trust to not get anywhere. But since I don't have any money right now, I'm watching all these cards (that cost me) go out with no calls in return. Then, a lady texted me and said she'd pay me double to do her bathrooms, so I set that up. Went to a friend's house to help talk through a problem (I hope I was helpful). Went to clean the bathrooms, then went home and nearly napped. Had a friend come over for a beer, and we talked politics and religion, which was fun for the mental stimulation.
Friday - went to an old friend's x-husband's house and did an estimate for him, met his family & girlfriend, and then stayed for dinner. It was nice, and I think I'll be cleaning for them this week, which helps me meet my financial goal for the week, and hopefully make up for the lack this week. :-)
Saturday - knitting with friends, lunch with a friend, and then it's such a blur, I was so tired from the week! I have been doing FlyLady to some extent (the decluttering part) so I decided to do 15 minutes in my office. It turned into 2 hours, but the office is half clean, 4 boxes of junk taken out, and my sewing box is half painted. Will post pictures when it's done! It's just like the one my grandma had, so it has a special place in my heart, although I must say I don't really need it. It will likely become a storage box for jewelry making or craft supplies. I replaced all the hardware earlier in the year, so it's very sturdy now and could stand up to kid-ness!
Today - polished the sink, did the dishes, and crochetted part of a bag until my hands hurt too much to do anymore. Now I am going to make gluten-free cookies (probably oatmeal or some such thing), and walk to k-mart to get sand paper for the outside of the sewing box.
Wednesday, February 27, 2013
Goodwill finds
Today after BNI (Business Networking International - a place where I get to network for my business with other people who know people who want my business, and they make the connection for me so I don't have to cold-call), I went over to Goodwill. I was looking for a nice wide belt to go with the 3-seam (it's actually 4) caftan dress that I made. No dice on the belt - the awesome one I found had 2 belt loops torn out. I did find a gorgeous handbag that was way overpriced (didn't buy), a bunch of perfectly colored, matching pillow cases (also didn't buy - have enough), and some furniture that I didn't really need but kind of wanted (also didn't buy). What I did buy was a crushed velvet duvet in a deep crimson color ($3.99) and 3 pairs of shoes that I can wear to work. One pair looks a lot like something you'd find at Downton Abbey; second pair, grey wing-tip flats and a pair of cork wedge sandals. Each pair of shoes would go for over $30 retail (one was new, never worn) and each pair was $3.99 or less. I feel like I totally scored. I also scored a pillow form. It's feather, and 20x20", which is awesome because the Ikea pillow forms I got a couple of weeks ago are 20x20. When I went to the fabric/craft stores, they were selling those fiberfill forms for $18 +/- and this one was only $3.99. I was pretty excited about that. I ran home, put the new duvet & pillow form on the bed, packed the kids bag for the visit tonight, and then washed the dishes. I'm pretty excited about getting my home put together for the kids for when they get home! Will update you on the visit!
Tuesday, February 26, 2013
getting organized
I never thought it would be so difficult to get myself organized! It seems like there are always so many distractions or things I would rather be doing. Like blogging, honestly. Perhaps I need some more experience with organizing my thoughts better, though, which is part of getting organized isn't it?
The living room was first on my list, and it's looking a lot better now that I've cleared the clutter put the furniture in right places. I need to get my books from my x to fill the shelves that are in there, and then it will be done!
Next on the list is the downstairs bedroom, which is being used as my office right now. It has way too much stuff in it! all the yarn, canning, business supplies, school & art supplies, sewing, oy! It's pretty overwhelming, but I'm taking it 15 minutes at a time, just a little bit every day. Hoping that it will be cleaned by the year 2045 at that rate.
While I'm working on that, I'm doing the same approach in the dining room. It's pretty cluttered because I have 3 tall sets of shelves to hold most of the things that my old pantry was able to hold (hence the canning stuff being in the office). It's not as bad as the office, but it still needs attention! The table is my catch-all, and every day it seems to just get piled up no matter how many rules I make for myself about not putting it down, putting it away, filing it immediately instead of making a pile, putting the keys in a spot every time, the coats in the closet, etc. I think they're really good rules, and I usually stick to them, it's just when i get home, I just want to plop everything down and not deal with it anymore. I'm sure you guys don't have these problems at all! lol
I guess the upstairs would have to be taken care of soon, with the kids bedrooms, I just haven't even been able to get over the mental block of getting their things organized until I'm sure they're coming back. The sheets are still in the packages, the toys are piled up and disorderly, but I don't know that I want to get them all settled yet. I get really emotional when I go into those rooms, full of anxiety and trepidation, then I just turn around and walk out again. (sigh)
Well, speaking of getting organized, I have errands to run and things to actually accomplish today, so here I go!
The living room was first on my list, and it's looking a lot better now that I've cleared the clutter put the furniture in right places. I need to get my books from my x to fill the shelves that are in there, and then it will be done!
Next on the list is the downstairs bedroom, which is being used as my office right now. It has way too much stuff in it! all the yarn, canning, business supplies, school & art supplies, sewing, oy! It's pretty overwhelming, but I'm taking it 15 minutes at a time, just a little bit every day. Hoping that it will be cleaned by the year 2045 at that rate.
While I'm working on that, I'm doing the same approach in the dining room. It's pretty cluttered because I have 3 tall sets of shelves to hold most of the things that my old pantry was able to hold (hence the canning stuff being in the office). It's not as bad as the office, but it still needs attention! The table is my catch-all, and every day it seems to just get piled up no matter how many rules I make for myself about not putting it down, putting it away, filing it immediately instead of making a pile, putting the keys in a spot every time, the coats in the closet, etc. I think they're really good rules, and I usually stick to them, it's just when i get home, I just want to plop everything down and not deal with it anymore. I'm sure you guys don't have these problems at all! lol
I guess the upstairs would have to be taken care of soon, with the kids bedrooms, I just haven't even been able to get over the mental block of getting their things organized until I'm sure they're coming back. The sheets are still in the packages, the toys are piled up and disorderly, but I don't know that I want to get them all settled yet. I get really emotional when I go into those rooms, full of anxiety and trepidation, then I just turn around and walk out again. (sigh)
Well, speaking of getting organized, I have errands to run and things to actually accomplish today, so here I go!
Saturday, February 23, 2013
Knitting up a storm!
This week has been fretful because of all the changes, and my constant worrying about S (his acting out), so I have been knitting a lot of scarves and cleaning while watching Downton Abbey on the PBS website. It is my favorite by far! I would love to sew things that look like period classics, although I can't reach my sewing machine right now (too much stuff in the way!).
The living room is finally accessible, with the lovely new furniture given to me by a friend who is sadly moving away. I am very excited about the furniture, so I'm going to host a Wine & Knitting night with the girlfriends. I can't wait!
Also, I got paint for the furniture, but I'm going to wait to refinish for a while. There is a lot to do with the case with the kids, and putting the bedrooms together (I still don't have beds for the 3rd bedroom, or bedding for the other), plus getting my businesses up & running. I am thinking about starting a more public blog.
The living room is finally accessible, with the lovely new furniture given to me by a friend who is sadly moving away. I am very excited about the furniture, so I'm going to host a Wine & Knitting night with the girlfriends. I can't wait!
Also, I got paint for the furniture, but I'm going to wait to refinish for a while. There is a lot to do with the case with the kids, and putting the bedrooms together (I still don't have beds for the 3rd bedroom, or bedding for the other), plus getting my businesses up & running. I am thinking about starting a more public blog.
my personal therapeutic progress
I have been in therapy since July. I love it - i think everyone should have a therapist! Someone to talk to when you can't talk to anyone else, and they give you educated advice, not a guess or what worked for them, but something studied and thought out.
Moving on...Therapy is going nicely. I'm starting EMDR (Eye Motion something or other...) where I go through a specific traumatic event and deal with it in such a way that it removes the negative emotional trigger that causes me to freeze up, break down, or just stunts my development. I love it! The treatment is generally successful with PTSD and other forms of trauma (including Borderline personality disorder) within up to 16 treatments. YAY!!! During this treatment, I have come to the conclusion that I don't need to date or have sex with men who pay attention to me! Omigosh, do you know how revolutionary this is? I mean, look at the kinds of guys I've dated in the past. I always thought that I would feel loved if I slept with them because they paid attention to me. I felt like if I didn't have attention & love, I would no longer exist. Being single was too scary to contemplate. Now I don't feel that way. I can be alone and be ok with it. Plus I don't feel like I could maintain my autonomy if I was with someone now. I am learning, growing and healing as a person, and learning to recognize the danger in certain people. I am also learning where my boundaries are: what can i handle, what can I just absolutely not stand or tolerate? It's a painful process of fracturing and regrowth, because, as I grow, I am shedding people i thought were friends. I am also growing relationships with people in a more intimate way - friendships are getting closer and deeper too.
I feel more like a whole human being, instead of a two-dimensional damaged being. This experience as a whole has been horrifying and wonderful. The treatment we needed so desperately is now within reach. I think we can finally break the cycle.
Moving on...Therapy is going nicely. I'm starting EMDR (Eye Motion something or other...) where I go through a specific traumatic event and deal with it in such a way that it removes the negative emotional trigger that causes me to freeze up, break down, or just stunts my development. I love it! The treatment is generally successful with PTSD and other forms of trauma (including Borderline personality disorder) within up to 16 treatments. YAY!!! During this treatment, I have come to the conclusion that I don't need to date or have sex with men who pay attention to me! Omigosh, do you know how revolutionary this is? I mean, look at the kinds of guys I've dated in the past. I always thought that I would feel loved if I slept with them because they paid attention to me. I felt like if I didn't have attention & love, I would no longer exist. Being single was too scary to contemplate. Now I don't feel that way. I can be alone and be ok with it. Plus I don't feel like I could maintain my autonomy if I was with someone now. I am learning, growing and healing as a person, and learning to recognize the danger in certain people. I am also learning where my boundaries are: what can i handle, what can I just absolutely not stand or tolerate? It's a painful process of fracturing and regrowth, because, as I grow, I am shedding people i thought were friends. I am also growing relationships with people in a more intimate way - friendships are getting closer and deeper too.
I feel more like a whole human being, instead of a two-dimensional damaged being. This experience as a whole has been horrifying and wonderful. The treatment we needed so desperately is now within reach. I think we can finally break the cycle.
Case update
The fact that there has been some progress has been remarkable. First we had the treatment team meeting on the 5th of February. That went well: all parties said I was doing everything I was supposed to be doing for reunification. The kids were doing well, except for S, who was getting violent with his foster parent. When I went to court this week, I found out it was worse than they let on, but more on that later. The girls were doing really well, and only having minor reactions to separation from me after a visit. They want to see no reaction or a smooth transition. Since my brother is doing so well with them, there is typically very little reaction.
After the treatment team meeting, I had 2 more visits with S by himself. I had the opportunity to address the violence towards the foster parent. He told me it was an accident, and I rebuked him gently, saying that no, our actions are not accidents, and there are consequences. He was placed with another foster family that night, and was visibly upset by having to be held accountable as that is not something that happens very often. I explained that our visits were going to change, that the girls would join in on the visits because they want to see how I do with all of them together so they can re-unite us. He was not excited, as I expected - he loves his one-on-one time with mom! The girls come in for the first hour, and S & I have 30 minutes together to clean up and possibly play a game, if we clean up quickly enough. I am struggling to come up with meals that we can eat quickly so we can play together more.
The next visit with the girls and S went really well:
A threw two tantrums, but I followed through and stayed calm & consistent with her. The first fit was testing boundaries - she wanted to see if I really would follow through. With such an audience around not paying attention to her, though, she quickly recovered and went back to being normal & happy (she often growls instead of speaking now as an affirmative answer). The second fit was because she didn't want to go home - she wanted to keep playing. While it melts my heart, she has to do what she's told.
Z behaved very nicely the whole time! She went potty and played well, and just kept eating (We made croissants with cheese inside). She loves to dig in bags, so I handed her a bag of carrots, out of which she would pull one baby carrot, take one bite, then hand me the newly chewed carrot so she could retrieve another. A & S were very helpful and stayed together at Z's pace, so we could switch rooms and get to the bathroom as a 'team' (something the therapist wants to see is that the kids listen no matter how silly it sounds, and I have to treat the visit place like the hallways are parking lots - dangerous and they have to stay with me & hold hands).
S was very helpful - too helpful! I had to keep telling him that I'm the mommy and he doesn't need to help like that. I will have new boundaries to set with him this next week.
After those visits, we had court on Thursday. The case worker told me that a spot had opened up at the mental hospital for S, and with my permission, they would be moving him there that night. The caseworker was very nice, answering all of my questions about S missing school, visits and therapy. He won't miss any of those, which is good. He will also return to the new foster family, who has experience with violent children. Here is what I was told about what happened: S gets very angry when he doesn't get his way and just at random times. At one visit, he said he was going to cut off his fingers when we had the paper cutter out. I have been purposely bringing sharp utensils to test him at the visits. He then said, 'no I'm teasing, i was going to cut off YOUR fingers.' I ignored both comments because they were an attempt to get attention. At the foster home, he tried to push the foster mom down the stairs, punched her face, pulled a knife, kicked the dog and threatened to kill himself on several occasions. He acts out like this for about 10 minutes, then goes back to being completely normal and acting like nothing happened. He will then report that he hasn't had any problems and life is good. If it's PTSD, there is hope. They can stabilize him and he can have a normal life with EMDR therapy (I'll explain in another post if you'd like). If it's flashbacks, there isn't a lot of hope, and he could be labelled as dangerous the rest of his life or medicated.
When I went to court, I had the opportunity to speak with the CASA (Court Appointed Special Advocate), who said that my mom had held up the progress of the case by about 6 months by demanding that she was going to get the kids, trying to convince me to give them to her, not cooperating, and by spreading malicious rumors about me causing more treatment to be required. For example, she would say that the kids were very violent after a visit with me. This would cause a report to need to be made, then the caseworker, CASA rep, and 3 therapists had to be called in to visit the home after 3-4 visits (one a week) in order to track the reaction to the visit. If there wasn't one after all 4 visits, they would dismiss it. If any post-visit reaction was noted, the kids would be put in therapy, and progress of the visits would be stopped until no reaction could be noted. SO that is the reason I have been stuck at level 1 for a year! Also, my mom was verbally abusing the kids, which caused problems, and being in & out with her treatments for cancer didn't help.
So there is the update, any questions?
After the treatment team meeting, I had 2 more visits with S by himself. I had the opportunity to address the violence towards the foster parent. He told me it was an accident, and I rebuked him gently, saying that no, our actions are not accidents, and there are consequences. He was placed with another foster family that night, and was visibly upset by having to be held accountable as that is not something that happens very often. I explained that our visits were going to change, that the girls would join in on the visits because they want to see how I do with all of them together so they can re-unite us. He was not excited, as I expected - he loves his one-on-one time with mom! The girls come in for the first hour, and S & I have 30 minutes together to clean up and possibly play a game, if we clean up quickly enough. I am struggling to come up with meals that we can eat quickly so we can play together more.
The next visit with the girls and S went really well:
A threw two tantrums, but I followed through and stayed calm & consistent with her. The first fit was testing boundaries - she wanted to see if I really would follow through. With such an audience around not paying attention to her, though, she quickly recovered and went back to being normal & happy (she often growls instead of speaking now as an affirmative answer). The second fit was because she didn't want to go home - she wanted to keep playing. While it melts my heart, she has to do what she's told.
Z behaved very nicely the whole time! She went potty and played well, and just kept eating (We made croissants with cheese inside). She loves to dig in bags, so I handed her a bag of carrots, out of which she would pull one baby carrot, take one bite, then hand me the newly chewed carrot so she could retrieve another. A & S were very helpful and stayed together at Z's pace, so we could switch rooms and get to the bathroom as a 'team' (something the therapist wants to see is that the kids listen no matter how silly it sounds, and I have to treat the visit place like the hallways are parking lots - dangerous and they have to stay with me & hold hands).
S was very helpful - too helpful! I had to keep telling him that I'm the mommy and he doesn't need to help like that. I will have new boundaries to set with him this next week.
After those visits, we had court on Thursday. The case worker told me that a spot had opened up at the mental hospital for S, and with my permission, they would be moving him there that night. The caseworker was very nice, answering all of my questions about S missing school, visits and therapy. He won't miss any of those, which is good. He will also return to the new foster family, who has experience with violent children. Here is what I was told about what happened: S gets very angry when he doesn't get his way and just at random times. At one visit, he said he was going to cut off his fingers when we had the paper cutter out. I have been purposely bringing sharp utensils to test him at the visits. He then said, 'no I'm teasing, i was going to cut off YOUR fingers.' I ignored both comments because they were an attempt to get attention. At the foster home, he tried to push the foster mom down the stairs, punched her face, pulled a knife, kicked the dog and threatened to kill himself on several occasions. He acts out like this for about 10 minutes, then goes back to being completely normal and acting like nothing happened. He will then report that he hasn't had any problems and life is good. If it's PTSD, there is hope. They can stabilize him and he can have a normal life with EMDR therapy (I'll explain in another post if you'd like). If it's flashbacks, there isn't a lot of hope, and he could be labelled as dangerous the rest of his life or medicated.
When I went to court, I had the opportunity to speak with the CASA (Court Appointed Special Advocate), who said that my mom had held up the progress of the case by about 6 months by demanding that she was going to get the kids, trying to convince me to give them to her, not cooperating, and by spreading malicious rumors about me causing more treatment to be required. For example, she would say that the kids were very violent after a visit with me. This would cause a report to need to be made, then the caseworker, CASA rep, and 3 therapists had to be called in to visit the home after 3-4 visits (one a week) in order to track the reaction to the visit. If there wasn't one after all 4 visits, they would dismiss it. If any post-visit reaction was noted, the kids would be put in therapy, and progress of the visits would be stopped until no reaction could be noted. SO that is the reason I have been stuck at level 1 for a year! Also, my mom was verbally abusing the kids, which caused problems, and being in & out with her treatments for cancer didn't help.
So there is the update, any questions?
Saturday, February 9, 2013
New Adventures...again
This week has been full of excitement and anticipation.
First, there was a treatment team meeting on Tuesday. It went pretty well! They are moving visits along to the next stage, which includes all kids at one visit time/date. It means that they are ready & willing to watch me parent my children all together to see if I'm capable of the task. I am looking for help with age-blended activities so that I can entertain a 3 1/2 yr old pirate/girl, a disabled 3 1/2 yr old ninja/girl, and a very jealous 7 yr old boy. Plus I will have to feed, guide, and attend to their emotional needs all in one little hour and a half window. Wish me luck, I am confident that I can do it without much more hassle than the occasional tantrum.
Second, right after the treatment team meeting, I quit my job. My x was there, and I warned him before hand. He was very nice, like he used to be when we first met. He asked if I had ever quit a job like this before (where there is sensitive info on my computer, where they won't expect me to complete 2 weeks, etc) I said, no, so he talked me through what to expect, knowing that I was an emotional basket case from the treatment team meeting earlier. My boss was very polite, more like humoring me. She didn't feel like it was a good fit, like I was supposed to run in to her office, take everything off her desk, and just do all her work for her, for the salary of $1500/mo, gross, no benefits. Add to that, she wouldn't let me take anything and you have a problem. SOOOO, it ended well, she tried to talk me out of the money she owed me, and I declined. Her husband was more willing to help and insisted that it would be better to 'keep things separate' (which means I'll get paid for the work I did).
Third, I re-booted the cleaning business that I started about a year ago. While I'm getting my wraps business to a profitable place (it breaks even right now), I will have to do something to pay the bills. Since cleaning is pretty easy for me and I can just pick it up any time, that's what I chose.
Fourth, and this is the most awesome part: The fashion show for the Ariel Benefit was today! below are some pictures of my own and then my favorites:
First, there was a treatment team meeting on Tuesday. It went pretty well! They are moving visits along to the next stage, which includes all kids at one visit time/date. It means that they are ready & willing to watch me parent my children all together to see if I'm capable of the task. I am looking for help with age-blended activities so that I can entertain a 3 1/2 yr old pirate/girl, a disabled 3 1/2 yr old ninja/girl, and a very jealous 7 yr old boy. Plus I will have to feed, guide, and attend to their emotional needs all in one little hour and a half window. Wish me luck, I am confident that I can do it without much more hassle than the occasional tantrum.
Second, right after the treatment team meeting, I quit my job. My x was there, and I warned him before hand. He was very nice, like he used to be when we first met. He asked if I had ever quit a job like this before (where there is sensitive info on my computer, where they won't expect me to complete 2 weeks, etc) I said, no, so he talked me through what to expect, knowing that I was an emotional basket case from the treatment team meeting earlier. My boss was very polite, more like humoring me. She didn't feel like it was a good fit, like I was supposed to run in to her office, take everything off her desk, and just do all her work for her, for the salary of $1500/mo, gross, no benefits. Add to that, she wouldn't let me take anything and you have a problem. SOOOO, it ended well, she tried to talk me out of the money she owed me, and I declined. Her husband was more willing to help and insisted that it would be better to 'keep things separate' (which means I'll get paid for the work I did).
Third, I re-booted the cleaning business that I started about a year ago. While I'm getting my wraps business to a profitable place (it breaks even right now), I will have to do something to pay the bills. Since cleaning is pretty easy for me and I can just pick it up any time, that's what I chose.
Fourth, and this is the most awesome part: The fashion show for the Ariel Benefit was today! below are some pictures of my own and then my favorites:
This was the 13 yr scarf made by one friend, and a coincidence-match made by another friend!
the 10th Doctor
Child size beret/hat that I made
One friend made these fingerless gloves/wrist warmers. The detail is exquisite and they are a deep purple cotton.
the 9th Doctor
This cowl is a cranberry color in reality, and is thick, heavy and warm!
this one is a big twisty long infinity scarf that you can drape like a shawl, wear like a scarf or necklace. I don't care for the colors, but the pattern is wonderful!
11th Doctor
Here's the poster for the benefit
Ok, this is where I get sketchy...I think this is the 7th Doctor
This is a bright eggplant/fuscia color, and my first-ever lace project. It was a lot of fun to make!
Teal, one of the girls made this, it was lighter than air, silk, would be my favorite of everything.
I think this is the 6th or 5th Doctor. I made him, but I don't remember...
One of the ladies made this creative gem - I love it! All pom-poms! It was so fun!
You can't really see this one well, but it's the frayed ends of silk sari's that were twisted into a vibrant, beautiful yarn that I knitted into a very long scarf. A friend (who happened to finish almost everything I started) gave me the yarn a couple of years ago, and I didn't know what to do with it. When she mentioned the gallery, the purpose became clear. It's a thin, super long scarf that is very heavy and vividly colored. A little boy won the bidding on this one, and he was just totally in love with it!
I made this one as well. The yarn is made of these giant chenille spagetti strands that are knitted together in between. It was fun to knit and a lovely gray color.
This was my second owl. A friend figured out where I was stuck and embroidered the question marks on (this doctor wears a vest with question marks), and figured out an ingenious way to get the umbrella to have an umbrella on the cane! I had tried several times, both the embroidery (I used a sock to practice) and to get the umbrella put together. I hade made the wand, but couldn't figure out the fabric. It turned out beautifully!
I am so excited to learn today that an idea can turn into a fantastic thing when placed in the right hands. Those hands belong to my dear friends, who opened an art gallery a few months ago, and decided to get things going with benefits & auctions for charity. They put art in the gallery, people bid, then the proceeds go to a good cause. It generates publicity for the gallery, and money for folks in need. This month's auction/benefit was for Ariel Clinical Services, which was an idea I threw out there about a year ago, I think (maybe longer). I wanted to do a knit-along with the knitting group I am a part of, Weekly Fiber, and we picked owls. One of the girls suggested we make them Dr Who owls after the tv show that we all seem to really like. So we each picked a doctor that we wanted to make, and knitted up the owls. Then someone decided to make it a bigger thing: gallery, wearable items, fashion show... I don't know where the idea came from, but my little idea wasn't little anymore and scared me half to death. They worked it really hard and made it take flight in a really big, amazing and wonderful way that I was so excited to get to be a part of! As you, my friends know, I am not a finisher-person. I make a scarf and leave the ends hanging out. I make a dress and neglect to buy the matching belt so it hangs in the closet, unwearable. I wash the dishes and leave them on the counter. I'm afraid to finish. It was brought to my attention (more than once, by more than one) and it became a theme of something I decided to work on this past month. It's very important for my livelihood to get my life together and finish what I start. So here goes! Wish me luck!
Sunday, February 3, 2013
Christian-eze
I started a bible study on Tuesday nights, which has been fun! It's been great to get prayer and encouragement, and be able to offer it to others as well. We don't really cover a lot... Usually they go over what the pastor said in the Sunday sermon that I can't go to because my son attends the church and I'm not allowed to go where he is. Anyway, the funny part of the bible study is all the religious terminology. I didn't realize how funny Christians sound from the outside! I had thought about inviting a friend, but realized I would have to spend half of the time interpreting! Here are some of the terms, I can't recall them all, but if you know of any, please leave them in the comments!
A lot of them sound like a Hollywood-quality possession:
Walking in the Spirit
spoke through me
took control of my heart
Others make you just wonder what the heck is happening to this poor person:
Bound my tongue
living the word
eating the word
on fire
speaking in tongues
my favorite: covered in the blood!
And some others:
putting on the armor of God (just think about the armor for a second)
we talk a lot of being consumed, by fun things like fire, ghosts (the spirit)
being set apart (sounds like a cult)
master/servant relationships (we are slaves/servants/lowly)
Eating the bread/drinking the wine/spirit/the word (sounds like drinking the koolaid)
the rapture is another fun one - explain that to anyone who hasn't seen the Left Behind movies!
Born again
Bride of Christ
anointing
laying on of hands
giving it to God
salvation
The really sad thing is how they talk about Jews. Most mainstream Christians have a negative view of Jews. There are a lot that don't feel this way, which is nice. But having been in the company of Messianic Jews for 8 years, I find it horrifyingly offensive how a lot of Christians feel. I have been told that Jews are the enemy, they are stupid, blind, stubborn and stiff-necked, all in the Bible Study setting.
Here are some web articles on speaking Christian:
http://religion.blogs.cnn.com/2011/07/31/do-you-speak-christian/
http://philcooke.com/christian_lingo/
http://lamponastand.com/category/christian-lingo-101/
A lot of them sound like a Hollywood-quality possession:
Walking in the Spirit
spoke through me
took control of my heart
Others make you just wonder what the heck is happening to this poor person:
Bound my tongue
living the word
eating the word
on fire
speaking in tongues
my favorite: covered in the blood!
And some others:
putting on the armor of God (just think about the armor for a second)
we talk a lot of being consumed, by fun things like fire, ghosts (the spirit)
being set apart (sounds like a cult)
master/servant relationships (we are slaves/servants/lowly)
Eating the bread/drinking the wine/spirit/the word (sounds like drinking the koolaid)
the rapture is another fun one - explain that to anyone who hasn't seen the Left Behind movies!
Born again
Bride of Christ
anointing
laying on of hands
giving it to God
salvation
The really sad thing is how they talk about Jews. Most mainstream Christians have a negative view of Jews. There are a lot that don't feel this way, which is nice. But having been in the company of Messianic Jews for 8 years, I find it horrifyingly offensive how a lot of Christians feel. I have been told that Jews are the enemy, they are stupid, blind, stubborn and stiff-necked, all in the Bible Study setting.
Here are some web articles on speaking Christian:
http://religion.blogs.cnn.com/2011/07/31/do-you-speak-christian/
http://philcooke.com/christian_lingo/
http://lamponastand.com/category/christian-lingo-101/
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