September 19, 2013

Today was busy. I had my business meeting in the morning where I received accolades for the progress and maturing I've done over the past 6 months. I don't see or feel anything different, but I'm grateful all the same.
After, I cleaned a house while listening to the same book as yesterday on my iPod with the horrifically shattered screen.
It feels so wonderful to clean a house. I get to make a home look its best and leave it in that wonderful condition for its owner to walk into, inhaling the fresh clean smell deeply, to enjoy that clean feeling. Beds made, laundry clean and folded, floors vacuumed, surfaces cleaned, it's all quite wonderful.
After cleaning, I went home to lie on the floor because my rib was out of place. Chiropractors are expensive, you know, and a floor fills the need adequately in a pinch.
I prepared for the visit with the kids and headed to the park. I stopped at the Chinese restaurant and got food for the kids. They LOVE Chinese food. Ok, they LOVE the American version of Chinese food. I blended Zoe's portion with the help of the Asian (not Chinese) lady who stood behind the counter finding an electrical outlet for me and watching curiously. I pointed to my mouth and said, 'My daughter can't chew." She pointed to her mouth, nodding, and said, 'ah yes, not teeth.' I just agreed. It was easier. With my hand-held food processor, I blended sesame chicken and orange chicken and put each into a partitioned dish with rice in the main partition. For Abi, I had sweet & sour chicken and rice, and for Sebastian, I had the rest of the orange and sesame chicken, rice, egg rolls and sesame balls. I figured I would eat the latter two if he didn't want them, but I think he's hooked now! He bit into a sesame ball with apprehension at first. I showed him how I popped the whole ball into my mouth and pressed it flat with my tongue, then crunched the toasted sesame seeds with my teeth. Divine! He bit into half of it with curiosity, slowly enough to let me know he wasn't a fool to eat strange foods, by jove! He then swallowed the half ball, then asked, with a scrunched up face staring into the brown center, if there was chocolate inside. I waved a hand since my mouth was full. When I was finished with mine, I said, 'no, it's bean paste.' He let out a joyous 'MMM!!' and quickly consumed the rest and followed it with another.
The kids played exuberantly on the playground equipment, Zoe conquering whatever she could, Abi getting minor injuries to gain cuddles and carries, Sebastian disappearing to assert his independence and play with other kids his own age at the playground. It was a wonderful time!
The interaction with my brother was brief, as though I was as significant as an insect interrupting his afternoon, nothing more. We have a new case worker, Crystal Stewart, whom I will call tomorrow and set up a meeting. My SPT, Jeri, is clearly not impressed with my brother's lack of stability and obvious disregard for anyone trying to have the children's best interests in mind in the face of his own desires. Whatever Prince David wants, Prince David will charm his way into. At least that's how he views himself.
At this point, I have come to realize that my family, at large (considering and removing the two supporters from this generalization), has supported my abusers with sympathy and accolades for my entire life. I believe that I shall not miss them. I have come up with a contingency plan for myself in the event that my children don't come home. It will be to travel to Europe and learn as much as I can, experience as much as I can, to soften the blow of my heart being shredded by that family. A family is supposed to unconditionally love and support its members, and from within fix the problems. My family is not this way. They backstab at every opportunity, grasping for attention and fame (not big Hollywood fame, just notoriety with the successful family members so they won't be talked about behind their back). Their small minds talk about people whom they don't approve of at every single gathering. Mocking, joking, poking, thinking that it will win favor with their adored sponsors. It's disgusting. Normal healthy families don't do this. Yes, they do exist. I am excited to discover that my close circle of friends has become this for me. They speak on my behalf at every mention of my name. They come to my defense at every opportunity. If they see or suspect a flaw in me, they come and tell me so they can come along side me and help me fix whatever problem I might be suffering. That is love. I love them for it. I am so grateful they've journeyed with me.

Sept 17

This week is starting off fairly well. I have been attending business meetings in order to drum up business for my newest 'hire' lady, a 60-something lady who works her tail off because she didn't plan for retirement (note to self: start saving now). I have 2-3 weekly clients for her at the moment, but that can fluctuate up or down by the week. I believe I will have another for her by next week. The business meetings are nice, just an hour and a half, in a room full of people trying to come up with something catchy enough to win the business of everyone else in the room, and of their friends and co-workers. The goal of the meeting is to get the people in the room to refer you to the people they know who aren't in the room. It hasn't really happened a lot yet, and I'm noticing a lot of holes in the whole theory, but I believe there are holes everywhere. Tomorrow I have another one, and a fourth on Thursday. I have intentionally not gone to several groups for the simple reason that I could drive myself crazy by attending business meetings and wouldn't actually get any work done during the week!
After the business meeting today, I went to clean for a lady who is wonderful to me, and she gave me a bag of home-made kale chips that she said hurt her stomach when she ate them. I cleaned and finished the house in a nice amount of time and had to rush to another house to clean. Instead of rushing, I called the client and told them I was starving and drove through McDonalds (I had a coupon) and grabbed a burger, some fries and a coffee. I arrived at the second place to find that the husband had mistakenly scheduled me to clean while the wife slept (she works nights), and I would just have to clean around her. Ok, simple enough. He headed back to work, I plugged in my iPod and listened to a book (Ghost Stories by Jim Butcher - Ethan is really interested in it so I'm trying to have some common interests with my teenage son who doesn't speak to me... just in case). I cleaned my heart out and actually finished on time. Had she been awake, I would have not finished in time because she wanted me to change the bed. Since she was on it, I was fortunate that I didn't have to stretch the sheets over her unconscious body.
After that client, I was grateful to head home, only discovering that I'd missed a bunch of calls while listening to the book. Oh brother! I returned calls all the way home, finding out I had 20 minutes till bible study. Got home, sat down and finished up the mystery shop from the day before. Sigh - done! And gone again!
Bible study was refreshing, it was nice to get together with them again. We had cake-cream-cones for our snack and talked about the preconceptions in Christianity that we seem to believe can affect our salvation. I believe that as long as you believe, you're set. Others believe that you have to believe this way or that way, and that is the minimum requirement. One said that you have to believe that Jesus is the only way. Another said that you have to follow some verse in Galatians where it says that people who practice certain things won't inherit the kingdom of God. Another said you just have to love your neighbor above all else and then you won't want to do anything evil. He then said that was what I believed. My perspective is that King David was a murderous adulterer and 'had a heart after God's own.' Um.....ok... preconceptions blown!!!
Day finished. I'm exhausted. One more business meeting tomorrow!!!