Running

With all of the mental and emotional changes I've consented to making over the past two years, it only seems logical that I would want to change something about the physical as well. Over the years I've made half hearted attempts at "getting into shape" or "eating healthy" with the same results: I don't do it consistently so "it doesn't work." I'm not terribly overweight, about 30-50 pounds at any given moment. I hear that's the danger zone for heart disease, diabetes, high blood pressure and a host of other ailments. Given my love of all good food, this is a problem. Of course I also hear that wearing a bra causes cancer now so looks like I'm gonna die from my wicked vices. Add to all of this that I have a host of joint problems from being too flexible and not having enough muscle tone, that I have a sweet tooth, and a vast propensity towards sitting and knitting, and you have a hurricane of potential weight gain. With the hysterectomy and oophorectomy looming on the horizon, I've not heard any great things about health in the twilight of my life (aka Menopause) so I'm worried that if I don't lose the weight now, I never will. Enter "THE CHALLENGES!!!"
     I began the first challenge about two months ago with a girlfriend who had made a commitment to do a work out a day for 10 weeks. We found one we liked (Sean T's T25) that was quick enough that we could squeeze one in every day. Shortly thereafter I began having severe knee problems and had to work out a lot less often than every day. Try once a week, if I could manage to bend the knee. There was something 'wrong' with my knee that was new and frustrating. I couldn't bend it. If you know me, you know how utterly flexible I am. Not being able to bend my knee one of the three directions it goes is incredibly frustrating and affects everything I do in my life. No bending, kneeling, easing into a chair.
     No stair climbing, squats, lunges, jumping jacks, bike riding, walking running. No getting down on the floor with an expectation of getting up again. It was a very sudden change from feeling flexible to feeling old. I console myself with cookies.
     I start therapy and I can work out twice a week if I go to 2-4 therapy sessions. The terms 'Meniscus' and 'torn' and 'surgery' are thrown around a lot and I get scared. Orthobionomy, chiropractic, and Bowen therapy were all not enough. Given how expensive that gets, I opted to skip working out as often.  This went on for about 2 months. I was really getting scared. I console myself with pasta and ice cream. Often.
     I knew I could fix my knee, I just didn't know how.
      Driving through a Starbucks one morning on a whim (consoling myself), the barista happens to be talking with other baristas about exercise, and the conversation gets going about how she's in school to be a kinesiologist (physical therapist in my mind). I ask her what she would do for herself if she felt knee pain, and she said to look up VMO. I do, pick a couple of exercises and within a day I feel tons better. Not 50% yet, but there's a lot of improvement. I console myself with a protein drink and a work-out every other day. A lot of pain, but not as bad as it was.
     Off I went to try something new to see if I could get my knee back without surgery. Enter active release Chiropractic. I go to see this new guy for whom several of my colleagues have given excellent testimonials, thinking it's worth a shot. I get my adjustment and he gives me a few exercises to do at home, more than the Google version and right at my level. Two days in and my knee is at 70%.
     So today (July 15) I decided to run a 5k with a couple of girlfriends. One girlfriend is training to run a marathon in March and I've gone with her to train before, albeit on my bike while she runs. Little side note about biking next to a runner: It takes significantly less effort to ride a bike than it does to run and hurts different body parts. I would say that I can bike 7-10 miles for every one that I run/jog/crawl.
    The very next morning, marathon girl and I get up extra early and run around the park. NOTE: I would NOT have done this on my own. Any excuse to get out of it, I would have taken. Oh, my period started, the sun isn't up yet, the sun is up, the sun is too high, there's a bug on my windshield... You name it, I would have totally backed out if I thought I could get away with it. I had a host of excuses ready to go in my arsenal. Marathon girl is really great for not giving me boot-camp style encouragement though, and I crave being physically fit without feeling bad about myself as a person, so I dragged myself out of bed and got to the park, still thinking of excuses along the way. Stay tuned for the next blog to see how it went!!

Visitation hearing

With a family like mine, being an orphan is appealing.

The court case seemed to be wrapping up until January. It was then that I received notice that my brother wanted to be added as a party to the case. That basically means that he can have a voice, make input, motions, requests, etc of his own volition. He secured the Children's Law Institute of Denver to represent him for free, which is just what they do. I looked up his request to be added as a party, and figured it wouldn't be approved because the rules around it said that he had to have his request in to the courts in a 'timely' fashion, meaning before the courts made their ruling. He got it presented before a different judge who went ahead and approved it because he didn't know what was going on (apparently standard with that judge). The other parties were confused at the motion, but didn't object. They thought the case had been decided so why does he want to be added now? His intentions became clear very soon. 

We met for the visitation determination hearing on the 31st of January, assuming we would get to find out how often I get to see my kids. It was supposed to be quick. Two hours then I know. That ended up not being the case. First thing, the county attorney calls Dorothy Rinderle to testify. She had previously testified that there was no way I would ever be able to keep up with the constantly changing demands of children because of my cognitive disability. This time, she testified that my brother had miraculously stabilized every negative behavior ever witnessed by anyone with regard to the children. All milestones had been surpassed, their development had jumped by lightyears. It was purely my brother's magnificence that fixed every problem. She stated without doubt that any visitation at all would throw the children back to the dark ages, mayhem would ensue, and all progress would be trampled. 

After her testimony, someone called my brother to the stand. He took the stand repeatedly touting his relationship to his poor dear sister. He re-affirmed Ms Rinderle's testimony of the miracles, and how every negative behavior including toilet training regression occurred every time mention of my name was brought up to the children. Suddenly he broke into tears and required a 10 minute recess. We all sat around waiting for him to compose himself. Once he regained his mental fortitude, he continued by saying he dearly loves his poor sister, but that she is highly dangerous and the children must be protected by him without the court's help. He explained that 'the family' would be the only ones capable of protecting the children from my devious ways. No expert intervention would do, only he could tell what the signs were. He said that I bragged about how to properly abuse children under the radar for years, that I had brilliantly fooled all 5 experts who testified as to my mental condition. That my mental illness was so severe that only he could see the signs. That I should be gradually brought back into 'the family' fold, controlled of course, by him. He said 'the family' believes that I am extremely dangerous and only 'the family' can determine when I'm covertly abusing the children. 

All of this took up the two allotted hours for the proceeding, so we had to continue the case. No verdict, no decision. We go back on the 13th for a whole day of testimony. I am sure I will be required to testify again, and it's likely they'll call the children who are old enough to testify. I'm sure it will be a spectacle like it always is with my family. 

I called my sister after the court session was over and asked her point blank if she believed that I'm dangerous. She confirmed it pausing trepidatiously, and then saying, 'well, I believe you have made mistakes.' 

Here is what is being asked for so far: 

My brother is asking for no court oversight, no intervention, and no visits. His guise is that he would control visitation based on the children's reaction to the visits. If he thinks they react at all, he will stop all visits until he believes that I am sufficiently rehabilitated and will grant one more visit. If there is a reaction, he will stop the visit and not allow any further visits at all. He is also refusing guardianship as 'bad for the children' and seeking termination of my rights altogether so he can adopt the children, with a subsidy from the state of course. 

I am seeking visitation. I would love to care for the children during my brother's numerous weekend trysts (1-2 weekends per month plus at least a week twice per year) when he typically leaves the children in the care of a stranger. I would love to pick them up from school and help them with homework. I would love to have therapy with my children. 

Jason is seeking anything he can get, he doesn't care what it is. 

So there is an update.