Most recent treatment team meeting

This most recent meeting went pretty well. I was surprised to notice that the attitudes of the care providers have all shifted. The state and skilled staff over my children's case have all shifted to defending me. From whom, you may ask? From my brother, who has suddenly decided to be out for blood. He has said a lot of negative things to all the providers about me, so much so that they're getting sick of it and defending me. I'm really liking this! Not the part where he thinks i need to be convicted of more than I was charged with, but the past 3 meetings, he has been adamant that I can't do this and that he can. He wants to see me put in jail and brings up the abuse inflicted before Jason was around, which I've already taken accountability for. The treatment team is pretty pleased with my progress and say that it's consistent with my diagnosis. I'm gearing up for my next court date, and need letters from my support network telling the court that I have a support network. Other than that, I'm still having really crazy dreams. Scary crazy, and they're all the same.

New Pictures

My quilting book

So I found this book when I went out to the desert to get my books. It is from 1934 and is full of illustrations of quilts and their proper names from back then, which was how I figured out that the quilt that I want to make is not supposed to be called 'cathedral window.' The quilt I want to make has been re-named now to be the cathedral window, but it wasn't before. I found the pattern tutorial online at a blog called hyena in petticoats which is a cute name for a blog I think. It explains it nicely, and you can check it out if you'd like, but I can't do links apparently.

here's the quilt. 

Here's the actual quilt but it's just a little pillow that is falling apart. The whole quilt is an origami of fabric, which is really cool. Most is hand-sewn, but there isn't any quilting to do after the fact, it's all done as you go, which means you can just make it as big as you want.






The visit with the kids was really nice this last week! No tantrums or outbursts! Here are some pictures: This first one is Abi and Seb coloring while I finish feeding Zoe. I'm going to need to pick up more of that color-wonder paper and markers because Seb is totally hooked now - he can't figure out what the magic is that makes the white-colored markers make colors on the papers! Magic!

Here we have Zoe, happily helping place cookie dough on the cookie sheets. She is such a happy girl! Here, she's saying 'Cheese!' 

This one Seb and Abi are both placing cookie dough, but Abi is telling me that she gets 'one more!' Seb feels large and in charge because he's dishing out the cookie dough to each of the kids. Granted, he made sure he got to place twice as many as the girls. Absolute cookie-dough corrupts absolutely. 

There's a new class coming up called aerial yoga. I plan to start going here pretty soon! Just need a little more money in order to afford the class. These are some wonderful moves, hanging up in these big silk ribbons!

And in other news, so I went out to the desert and picked up my books. That was a very interesting trip. The whole time I was out there, Jason was fishing through and reading the title of every single book, arguing with me about whether or not the book was mine and if I was ever going to read it. He loves books. A lot. So I ended up giving up the fight on the law books and some other text books that I either had duplicates of or better versions of. The whole visit included him gloating about how great his life was now that we're not together anymore. He's getting paid great commissions at work (the 'you should have held out because look how great business is'), he has great luck with cars (my version of a running car is very different from his - he thinks if it starts, moves and stops, it's good. For me, i just have to miss my oil change by 3 miles), he's all better from being insane (that's debatable), and how now he's just doing so much better because I'm the one who made him crazy and abusive. Yup, he said it, it was all my fault. Everything. All of his actions were my fault. It really sank in this last week how untrue that is, and how I just haven't been able to see that people don't have two sides (a good and bad), but rather a facade that they allow others to see. I believe that there's something to everything that can be scientifically proven or historical. I think it would be foolish for us to ignore it, so I've been trying to learn the lessons that are all around us. So the first lesson was that you can't find something where there wasn't anything to begin with. That's how Jason is. He had this facade of Zen peacefulness, but in reality, the real him is an angry abusive uncontrollable person. All people have aspects of themselves that they don't want anyone else to know about. Unfortunately, for me I don't have the filter that can tell  the difference between facade-guy and real-guy, so I'm still going to not date. For a long time. These tools are a big deal and it would be behoove me to acquire those tools before seeking a guy.
That's it for this week because this is getting long. I have a lot more to say, but hey, it's 9:30, and I need to clean a house in the morning.