for better or worse?

Court on thursday was a bit of a good and bad thing. I will try to outline the developments in chronological order, but no promises. You all know how scattered I am!
So first, there was a redetermination for visitation court date in May. At this same time, we went in for our psychological evaluations. The court redetermination kept getting continued because we had lots of witnesses to go through, plus scheduling 5 lawyers to all meet on the same day & time is a feat in itself.
The redetermination wasn't going very well. It was suggested that our visits be rescheduled as therapeutic because the connection between J and the twins was 'fractured.' They didn't mention how typical this kind of separated fracturing is when parents are separated from children in the middle of the night. Of course the kids wouldn't trust him! These strangers came and stole them out of their beds in the night, and he just stood there. As a toddler, I would be quite upset too. So A isn't really hateful, she just takes a minute to warm up to him, like she does with everyone, then she's fine and dandy and acts normal, climbing all over him, feeding him toys and food that she's already chewed up... Just the usual 3 yr old behavior. They say that it (the 'fracture') needs to be fixed before we can proceed to level two, which means visits at the park or for more than 1 1/2 hours.
Next the psychological evaluations. I relayed the primary information already, but at the hearing, the doctor who conducted the evaluations expounded on them a bit. He said that J has severe PTSD. It's pretty bad. He suggested medication, psychotherapy, counseling, intensive.  A whole lot of it. He is rigid, decisive, and has a stringent code of ethics that he lives by. Unfortunately, having a family sort-of butts heads with that whole code. The reason is that there are variables with regard to children and families. They tend to do unpredictable things occasionally. Well, that doesn't really mesh. The doctor said that he is strict and regimented and anything that doesn't conform to his idea of the ethic code gets bent, he freaks out, manipulates, ridicules, gets violent...whatever the reaction, it's all related to his head being haywire. The doctor essentially said that he should be under the care of a doctor instead of in jail. As for me, the diagnosis was that I like the regimentation and thrive under it. He said we're a match made in heaven because we compliment each other. The county attorney asked what would happen if I was too passive, and he just responded that we needed help. He said that I am quite passive, even though I don't like something. An example would be that I would compliantly go along with something, even though I don't agree, then I would resist in other ways so I wouldn't have to admit I don't like it. Yep, that's me! So it was kind of fun to hear him tell us what we were and how we relate to one another. Not too happy about the therapeutic visitation instead of regular visits. It typically doesn't bode well when they move it to therapy.
As far as the good part, J's father came to town and told him he was being crazy and to stop it. He's been a lot better since. Really just took his dad telling him that he was being paranoid and he was off the deep end. Glad that he came, but he was kind of a jerk. I asked him, 'have you considered moving here for 6 months to get the girls?' And he jumped down my throat saying I was being confrontational and forcing him to decide between his wife and his child. I thought for a couple of days and decided that i had every right to ask that, i was confronting him, a little frustrated by the fact that he wouldn't choose his grandchildren over florida for 6 months. Really? choose your wife or your kids...lemme think...So they keep telling me that if i leave him, i can have the kids, but it truly isn't that way. i know how they work, unfortunately. they want to break up the family with promises. it would be 6 months of impressing upon my family that i am not a sociopath like they think and swaying their opinion. since i'm not very good at that, there is no chance of me convincing them that i should get the kids back anyway. might as well prove that we are a great success story and get better! wish us luck!

Formal Diagnosis

Last week I had that psychological evaluation. The results were fairly boring but at least I'm not a sociopath. The guy (sorry, doctor) said that:
1.  I have oppositional defiance disorder, which means I was a rebellious kid without any parental boundaries that never outgrew it...because there wasn't any guidance. No surprise there.
2. I have post concussion disorder. I was thinking that would be self explanatory, but I guess it's not really. Unfortunately, it's not really clear to me either. Pretty sure it has something to do with the memory loss, headaches, having to repeat things over & over to learn them...but I could be wrong.
3. I have memory loss. I wasn't surprised by this at all.
4. PTSD, which I knew, but this guy was a little more comprehensive, he said it had to do with the abuse inflicted by my family as well as the x.
5. ADHD, also knew about this one. Basically I can't hold still or pay attention. Squirrel!
My dear husband doesn't think any of these really exist, because he can't see them. I am fairly normal almost all the time, there are just annoying holes in my existence.
I think all of this means something, but it doesn't matter a whole lot to me other than for the upcoming court case.
Speaking of which, court is coming up next week. I am worried they will ask me to testify about what's going on. I just want to see my kids more.
I have a new client to clean for every other friday now, so yes, I have 3 jobs. My dear husband is now working as a door-to-door air freshener salesman. I am really hoping that he can make this take off. He is an excellent salesman, so I have faith that he can manage if he can just get things off the ground. If he works half as much as I do, I will only have to work half as much as I do. That would be nice.