How it feels to run Day 2

Stats:
Date: 7/18/2014
Circuit: 1.2 miles
Distance: 2.4 miles
How I feel: like I want to die (downgraded from Wednesday)
Time: 15 minutes per mile.

     I arrive at the park at 6:31 am.
     My friend is already there.
    The sun is peeking up, the weather is beautiful, it's a great morning for a picnic.  I'm feeling like I'd prefer a picnic given the trauma I put my body through and have been suffering with since the last 'run'.     The past 2 days have been spent almost exclusively in a bathtub full of epsom salt with a drizzle of water so I can officially call it a 'bath.' I leave the water in there whenever I get out to go accomplish anything and get back in when I'm finished. I answer my email in there. I watch a movie. Oh, allow me to define 'accomplish anything:' This means I manage to walk to my room. Get down the stairs to eat and back up to sleep or get back into the bathtub. I occasionally add more hot water and epsom salt but the room temperature water doesn't bother me for once. I don't feel relief necessarily, but someone told me it would help so I do it anyway and want to believe it.
     The muscles I've worked include everything from my rib cage down to the tips of my toes, and I do mean the tips of my toes because even those hurt. Every muscle between every bone in both feet feels like it's been brushed with steel wool and tenderized with a hammer. My ankles have a renewed hatred for movement. My calves apparently have muscles between the bones and all around them too. My knee pain is nearly non existent, thanks to therapy and a lack of bending, which is excellent, but they're pretty stiff. Only when I want to bend them do they hurt, and the pain is down to about a 4. Running has aligned my spine and neck and they no longer hurt. My hip hurts a lot, it feels like I have broken glass in the joint, but fortunately it only hurts while I'm moving, and since I lean towards lazy that isn't as much as it could.
     Running day (today) comes and I am still incredibly sore, but I don't feel like I want to die. We start off with a fast walk, 2 steps per second. Knees up, back straight, shoulders back. We walk for a couple of minutes, and then start to jog. We are keeping the pace a LOT slower today. I am working to train my body that it's ok to go slower than I walk. My shins immediately scream at me, and the pain jolts to about an 8 instantly. If it didn't diminish almost as quickly when I stop, I would have sought medical attention. We walk, jog, walk, jog, repeating the 30 second stints. I feel exhausted much sooner than the last time, but my ability to not fall over is up. By about the halfway mark of the first time around, I don't want to do anymore. I'm ready to go home for that nap and cookie. My friend is encouraging me by telling me I'm doing great. It works, I don't respond well to drill sergeant style 'you suck and you can't do this' motivation. One of our discussions between inhales is about why I seem to feel like there's a difference between 'running' a 5k and 'participating' in one. My feeling is that it's a distinction to create motivation for me. This time around I may only 'participate' in a 5k, but by the next time I will 'run' the whole thing. I would like to eventually running to create a sense of thought clarity, instead of the current state of mind when I run which is very much like a neanderthal, 'step. breathe. step. breathe. step. breathe. step. breathe. step.'
    We make it one time around more slowly, but more steadily. About 15 minutes. My friend is really working with me on pace. We practice running on the grass. This takes a great deal more focus for me as the grass is long and the ground is fraught with stinky land mines, dangerous sinkholes and massive caverns. I discover that there is no way I can run the whole two miles on my toes, especially not with the unevenness of the grass and my weak ankles added to the aches I'm still vocally suffering with. They feel much stronger already. At this point of the evening, the muscle soreness is nearly unbearable, but I'm not doing anything active until Monday besides pilates so I'll keep my whining to myself until some poor unsuspecting polite person asks how I'm feeling today. Then I'll unload with a pitiful tale of woe.
    Back to the run. We make it around the first time, with the same push at the end to run for the 3 full minutes around the bend. Once we make it around, back to the car, I start vocalizing my little goals.
I'm ready to stop. (inhale) So lets push to pass the bathrooms.
I'm feeling (inhale, which is more like a gasp) like I (gasp) can't (gasp) so lets (gasp) shoot for the (gasp) patio
I feel done (gasp) so lets go to the box (gasp)
     We make it to another bench, for a total of approximately 6 minutes of slow motion, painful-to-watch running, then walk fast. My face is beet red. I'm GASPING for breath, my lungs hurt, and so does everything else. It sounds like horse hooves clopping on the ground when I run, but my friend's dainty feet barely make a whisper. I'm jealous.
     We talk about distractions. The distraction of the weather doesn't work, it makes me want to lie in the grass and enjoy watching the clouds roll by. What works for me is the increased health, smaller saddle bags, smaller spare tire, arms that don't flap in the breeze when I wave, and I'm hoping that other parts of me shrink as well. I am motivated by greater health. The possibility of living without medications intrigues me. No diabetes, heart disease, or other obesity related illnesses that my family is plagued with. More energy.  Being able to eat more than a tic-tac without bloating up like a puffer fish. The possibility of looking amazing in a strapless dress also intrigues me since I have never worn one.
That's what makes me run. The quality of life I hope to enjoy.
     We make it with small walking intervals all the way to the last curve again, the one where I push through to run for 3 whole minutes. It could be 1 minute and I just don't have any concept of time, but it sure feels like an hour. I run at an exceedingly slow pace, frustrated at my lack of speed, and my friend catches me rolling my eyes and says, 'what's that about?'
     I want to be done, I want to be as healthy as my brain thinks I am.
     We laugh and push through. It's all I can do to make it. She puts up her hand with praises and I can see nothing else but the goal of reaching up and slapping the hand in a celebratory gesture. The rest of the world is black spots while I breathe deeply to catch my breath. I would feel like a real idiot if I miss.  I don't miss. I doubled my distance.
Now that most of the day is gone, my ribs ache, and every muscle in my legs and feet ache. My appetite is up for carbs but I eat steak that I've been marinating all day first so I don't load up on junk food. When I feel full, I know it's too late, but the steak is tasty so I mindlessly eat more of it until the signal reaches my brain. It hurts to walk but I feel warm, like my blood is pumping through every extremity. My head is clear and I'm accomplishing more today.