counseling session - actually interesting

Last night, J & I slept in the desert with the dogs. It was an interesting experience because he had his foot surgery and was still in a cast-like brace. Dogs, as we all know, aren't exactly delicate creatures, I was a bit worried that this was his version of over-doing it. He doesn't want help with anything, which is going to be a bit of a problem with him gimping around on crutches. I am thoroughly enjoying the vulnerability, which sounds sick & wrong, but I have a reason. He is always so independent and strong,  I have to tell him how appreciative I am of the changes as soon as he wakes up. The drugs make him a bit tired, and the look of the 3 big incisions makes me queasy! Glad I never finished that radiology thing...I would have passed out at the sight of every patient! 

Oh right yes, anyway, so back to all things relevant. Out in the desert, we decided to sleep on the deck because it has been really beautiful. We had to pull the mattress out onto the deck, which is a big deal because he can't and it's quite cumbersome for me. He pushed, I steered, it was humorous. Got the bed all set up, he got settled, and the dog pounced all over him with elation and hurt his foot repeatedly. We watched a movie on the laptop, then watched the fireworks all over town (we have a view of the entire town, end to end), and then watched shooting stars whiz across the eastern sky. It was a beautiful night with an immense full moon that would have kept me up all night had it not been for the heavy blanket I pulled over my head, which was a good idea because there was one mosquito who apparently didn't find me appetizing enough to make it through the blanket, and the dogs thinking my space was in fact theirs so they kept pushing me around. In other words, I didn't sleep well, but I had a wonderful evening. Getting the mattress back into the house, I told J to not bother helping because I was tired of him over-exerting himself to the point of swollen toes, so I ended up wobbling and hobbling that horribly large thing back into the house with a chuckling husband to keep watch. He finally asked, 'Do I look that silly when I move it?' I, of course, stroked that fragile one-legged ego with a coy smile, batting eyelashes and, 'Of course not, love.' 

Back home, I had counseling in the morning which I was grateful for. This counselor I think is at a loss for what to do with me because neither of us know what the goals are for the sessions. However lost we are, though, we still manage to come up with goals and I give as much feedback as possible for how things are going. After my hormonal explosion last week, I explained all to her and included the doctor visit so that I could get myself back together. She asked what I would like to work on next, and I told her that I can't make decisions. How will I know when being assertive is the right move? I always feel like everyone is thinking circles around me while I manage to squeeze out one little thought. She wrote out the process for coming to conclusions and thinking through problems, which I can't tell you how immensely helpful that is because I get stuck on that all the time! 

Here is the list with the points where I get stuck inserted in parenthesis: 

1. Summarize what you're being asked to do (this doesn't often occur in reality, but whatever)

2. Give yourself time to think about it (I usually do this - I procrastinate until I have no options left)

3. Write down the options - all of them.

4. Take each option 1 at a time and consider the pros & cons. (I usually just pick the problem, and write the pros & cons for the problem, not the options. I usually get stuck because I feel like I'm missing something, then I abandon the effort)

5. Review the list. 

6. Take a break - go for a walk, take a nap, watch a movie, do something to either distract yourself or think about it in another setting (I love this step, but never make it to the next one)

7. Come back to it - set a timer! (I just don't like this step, so I never get to it. Forget about the problem, procrastinate, whatever)

 -   Don't forget to check in with others, but the problem is that I usually present my problem to everyone until they tell me what to do because then I am not technically liable for my own decisions. It's a problem, just in case you couldn't tell. :-) So I look forward to actually doing these things!