Case update

The fact that there has been some progress has been remarkable. First we had the treatment team meeting on the 5th of February. That went well: all parties said I was doing everything I was supposed to be doing for reunification. The kids were doing well, except for S, who was getting violent with his foster parent. When I went to court this week, I found out it was worse than they let on, but more on that later. The girls were doing really well, and only having minor reactions to separation from me after a visit. They want to see no reaction or a smooth transition. Since my brother is doing so well with them, there is typically very little reaction.
After the treatment team meeting, I had 2 more visits with S by himself. I had the opportunity to address the violence towards the foster parent. He told me it was an accident, and I rebuked him gently, saying that no, our actions are not accidents, and there are consequences. He was placed with another foster family that night, and was visibly upset by having to be held accountable as that is not something that happens very often. I explained that our visits were going to change, that the girls would join in on the visits because they want to see how I do with all of them together so they can re-unite us. He was not excited, as I expected - he loves his one-on-one time with mom! The girls come in for the first hour, and S & I have 30 minutes together to clean up and possibly play a game, if we clean up quickly enough. I am struggling to come up with meals that we can eat quickly so we can play together more.
The next visit with the girls and S went really well:
 A threw two tantrums, but I followed through and stayed calm & consistent with her. The first fit was testing boundaries - she wanted to see if I really would follow through. With such an audience around not paying attention to her, though, she quickly recovered and went back to being normal & happy (she often growls instead of speaking now as an affirmative answer). The second fit was because she didn't want to go home - she wanted to keep playing. While it melts my heart, she has to do what she's told.
Z behaved very nicely the whole time! She went potty and played well, and just kept eating (We made croissants with cheese inside). She loves to dig in bags, so I handed her a bag of carrots, out of which she would pull one baby carrot, take one bite, then hand me the newly chewed carrot so she could retrieve another. A & S were very helpful and stayed together at Z's pace, so we could switch rooms and get to the bathroom as a 'team' (something the therapist wants to see is that the kids listen no matter how silly it sounds, and I have to treat the visit place like the hallways are parking lots - dangerous and they have to stay with me & hold hands).
S was very helpful - too helpful! I had to keep telling him that I'm the mommy and he doesn't need to help like that. I will have new boundaries to set with him this next week.
After those visits, we had court on Thursday. The case worker told me that a spot had opened up at the mental hospital for S, and with my permission, they would be moving him there that night. The caseworker was very nice, answering all of my questions about S missing school, visits and therapy. He won't miss any of those, which is good. He will also return to the new foster family, who has experience with violent children. Here is what I was told about what happened: S gets very angry when he doesn't get his way and just at random times. At one visit, he said he was going to cut off his fingers when we had the paper cutter out. I have been purposely bringing sharp utensils to test him at the visits. He then said, 'no I'm teasing, i was going to cut off YOUR fingers.' I ignored both comments because they were an attempt to get attention. At the foster home, he tried to push the foster mom down the stairs, punched her face, pulled a knife, kicked the dog and threatened to kill himself on several occasions. He acts out like this for about 10 minutes, then goes back to being completely normal and acting like nothing happened. He will then report that he hasn't had any problems and life is good. If it's PTSD, there is hope. They can stabilize him and he can have a normal life with EMDR therapy (I'll explain in another post if you'd like). If it's flashbacks, there isn't a lot of hope, and he could be labelled as dangerous the rest of his life or medicated.
When I went to court, I had the opportunity to speak with the CASA (Court Appointed Special Advocate), who said that my mom had held up the progress of the case by about 6 months by demanding that she was going to get the kids, trying to convince me to give them to her, not cooperating, and by spreading malicious rumors about me causing more treatment to be required. For example, she would say that the kids were very violent after a visit with me. This would cause a report to need to be made, then the caseworker, CASA rep, and 3 therapists had to be called in to visit the home after 3-4 visits (one a week) in order to track the reaction to the visit. If there wasn't one after all 4 visits, they would dismiss it. If any post-visit reaction was noted, the kids would be put in therapy, and progress of the visits would be stopped until no reaction could be noted. SO that is the reason I have been stuck at level 1 for a year! Also, my mom was verbally abusing the kids, which caused problems, and being in & out with her treatments for cancer didn't help.
So there is the update, any questions?